"I..." 2011

Last year I participated in a Meme called "I" and found it gave me the opportunity to do some reflecting on who I am and what I liked or wanted to improve about myself. This morning I feel it's time for a little check-up if you will.

I am... stronger than I think.
I think.... way too much (some things never change.)
I should... exercise and read my Bible more often than I do.
I dream.... about the day we complete our family.
I want.... to be the best wife, mom, friend, person and Christian I can be.
I know... the importance of feeling safe and being loved unconditionally.
I don't like... being judged unfairly.
I smell... the warm air from our furnace.
I hear... my dog's tags jingle as she comes down the hall.
I fear... letting others down or unintentionally hurting others feelings.
I usually... like some quiet time alone to recharge my battery.
I search... for answers.
I miss... my brother.
I always... worry too much.
I regret... not being better about personal goals.
I wonder... what 2011 has in store for me and my family.
I crave... love and acceptance.
I remember... snuggling with Bird and Yaya under blankets in front of our Christmas tree.
I need... to be loved.
I forget... names of people too often.
I feel... deeply.
I can... do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
I can't... be someone I'm not.
I am... happy.
I lose... my concentration more than I care to admit.
I sing... all the time. It centers me.
I listen... for inspiration.
I see...with new perspective.
I wish...we could talk to and meet our child's birth mom so we could show her how much she and her child are already loved and cherished by us and our entire family.
I shop... only when I HAVE to.
I eat... too fast.
I love...helping others and making people smile.

"About the Girl" MeMe

Cat author of Juggeling Act of Life just posted this MeMe on her blog and encouraged others who enjoyed it to participate too. Once again, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I hope you will too.
1. Are you ruled by the heart or the head? I am all emotion here so it must be my heart. The problem is…later my head comes into play and I over think everything my heart led me to do.

2. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? While working as a Social Worker one of my patients had been in a horrible car accident. She lost both her husband and her 21/2 year old in a matter of seconds. Her request was to hold her daughter one more time before her body was transferred to the mortuary. I carried her daughter from the hospital morgue up 3 flights of stairs to allow her the chance to say good-bye. I will never forget that beautiful woman or the family she lost way too soon.

3. If you knew today was your last day on earth, how would you spend it, with who, and why? I hope I would spend it praying for more days but just in case my prayers weren't answered I would want to spend it on the beach surrounded by my family and friends. The beach is where we’ve spent some of our happiest moments together.

4. Would you give your life to save someone else’s? I never used to think twice about death or dying. However, since Yaya came into our life I’m terrified of dying and leaving her behind without a mother. I want to be there for her to watch her grow and thrive and see who she becomes. That said, I would give up everything to save her if I could.

5. Monopoly or Cluedo? Honestly, I’m not at all a fan of Monotony and have no idea what Cluedo is. I guess my answer would be neither.

6. What’s your fondest childhood memory? I would have to say swimming on my father’s back and coloring for hours with my mom.

7. If you could have a super power, what would it be, and why? The ability to let things go. I wish I could relax and enjoy life to the fullest rather than worrying about each and every little thing along the way.

8. Do you colour-coordinate? I am far from a fashionista as you may or may not have gathered from my photos and blog. I keep things simple and don’t take many risks with mixing colors or my wardrobe. I prefer comfort over standing out in a crowd any day.

9. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla with chocolate dripping all over the top.

10. Light sabre or blowtorch? Wow! Both of these sound like fun and have the potential for tons of destruction but I think I’ll choose a light sabre. Seems much easier to carry, use and control. Once again it comes down to comfort and convenience for me.

I...

Brenda, and Betty had some great sentence beginnings. All you have to do is fill in the ending. It looked like fun, so I thought I´d go for it.
I am.... wimpy!
I think.... waayy too much.
I should... exercise more often than I do.
I dream.... about living in Europe again.
I want.... to live a long life and watch my children grow up.
I know... I need to get ready for my day.
I don't like... the smell or taste of sea food or liver and onions.
I smell... fresh cut grass and jasmine outside my window today.
I hear.... my daughter singing.
I fear....getting cancer.
I usually... wish I could be with all my friends and family in one place.
I search... my heart for what I want to do/be.
I miss....my friend, Doug.
I always...snuggle with my daughter.
I regret...not being better about personal goals.
I wonder... when?
I crave... sweets.
I remember... the way it felt holding Yaya for the first time.
I need... to be loved.
I forget... names of people too often.
I feel... at peace today.
I can... follow a recipe.
I can't... usually throw things together to create my own recipe.
I am happy... we have tenants moving into our Vegas home.
I lose... my patience more than I would like.
I sing... in the car all the time. It centers me.
I listen... with my heart.
I shop... very little.
I eat... when I'm stressed or sad.
I love...being a kid again while playing with my daughter.
If you care to join in, just copy and paste this into your own blog and write in your own endings.

Random Rainy Day Thoughts...

It was fun having Yaya's little friend over to play after school today.Nothing better than the sound of two happy little girls at play.
I think I may find my countertops by the end of the day! SQUEEEEEEE!
I'm going to miss my women's Bible study now that it's over for the summer. I can't believe Yaya's first year of preschool ends Thursday.
Will I ever be able to stand before a crowd and talk without my voice cracking from emotion?
Does my brother know how much we all miss him each and every day and that we're already excitedly making plans for his trip out in August?
I wish I could snuggle deep under the covers with Bird and Yaya and nap the afternoon away.
I'm thankful for a roof over my head (even if it isn't the one I own or dream about.)
Does our birth mother to be know how much she and her baby already mean to our family?
I wish I knew at an earlier age that "God doesn´t give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED...to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

Click HERE to continue reading about our 2nd Adoption Journey.

Glass is half empty or full?

What kind of thinker are you? I'm a glass is half empty thinker. I always have been. I guess it's a way that I learned to cope with life. If I think of the worst scenario then the reality yet to come couldn't possibly be that bad. Do any of you think this way? Bird is definitely a glass is half full if not completely full thinker and in our almost 11 years of marriage it's been interesting to see how different we think only to arrive in the same place in the end. One of the craziest examples I can remember happened while we were going through the beginning steps of our first IVF treatment. We had just gone to talk to the financial advisor on how much the treatment would cost and the discounts available to us if we chose to be part of an IVF study. As we pulled out of the parking lot I asked Bird, "What do you think of all this?" Mind you I'm thinking about the cost but in the sense that I was trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I was paying someone to do crazy things to my body in order to try and make a baby. Here's what was going through Bird's mind and I quote word for word, "I want to pay for all of this on our credit card so we can earn free frequent flyer miles. " Um... yeah. You could have heard a pin drop in our car. DEAD SILENCE and then uncontrolled laughter from me. (Thinking back my laughter probably sounded much like the laughter of a crazy person.) Which may not have been much of a stretch back then. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how on earth he came up with frequent flyer miles with all the information the woman had just given us. SERIOUSLY!?

Needless to say, that moment in our marriage has gone down in history as the glass is half empty vs. full moment to beat all.

Random Dozen

1. What was the last thing about which you procrastinated? Oh where to begin? I am the world’s best procrastinator when there’s something I don’t want to do or am not interested in. Doing the laundry for example.
2. How long does it take you to fall asleep, and do you sleep through the night? Depends on the day and its activities. I’ve been sleeping much better lately. Unfortunately, I no longer sleep through the night. I miss those days.
3. Which decade would you choose to exemplify your favorite fashion styles? I wouldn’t say the current fashion is my style but I’m not someone who keeps up with all that stuff either. I have always preferred to be comfortable over fashionable.
4. What is your personal best dish to feed a crowd? Hmmm, I enjoy serving several dishes and rarely serve the same thing twice to company. I like to be different and try new things. Recently, Bird raved about my Chicken and Rice Curry with Peaches. Can’t really say it’s “mine” as I received the recipe from my sister in law. YUMMY!
5. Are you an impulse shopper? What was the last thing you bought on impulse? I’m not an impulse shopper most of the time and if I do make that mistake I find I often end up returning it. Bird and I try to discuss our needs vs. our wants before making purchases. It helps reduce the clutter and our bills. I’ll admit, 2 weeks ago I bought Yaya a cute Tutu from Costco. After I'd seen a few of her classmates wearing them I just HAD to get her one too.
6. What is one wish you have for your own funeral? Regardless of how I die I pray people will celebrate my life not mourn my death.
7. If it's true that joy is found in the simple things in life, what does your joy look like today? Seeing my family smile or laugh together brings me great joy. There’s nothing better than the sound of a child’s guttural laugh. 8. What is your favorite type of bread? Seriously? I have to choose just one? IMPOSSIBLE! I try to stay far away from all of it and only eat it with my sandwich or a hamburger. Can my answer be any bread that’s fresh out of the oven?
9. What trait do you fear developing the most? (Laziness, greediness, grumpiness, etc.) I do not want to end up resentful and angry.
10. What trait would you like most to develop? To be happy with myself and my life no matter the circumstance. I want to do all I can to be a positive influence in my children’s life.
11. Which room in your house best reflects your personality? Why? Honestly, my living room/dining room I guess. I’m a collector of things from my life. There are pictures I’ve taken of friends, family and places from my past and present. In addition, I have little trinkets like a pottery dish, a silk rose, a handmade mosaic mirror or framed cards from people who have impacted my life in some special way.
12. How do you maintain balance in your life regarding, work, family, church, other organizations and activities, and blogging? A wise woman (my mother in law) once told me the importance of letting go of things that drain you of your energy and instead focus on things that make you want to get up and go. I’m not talking about being selfish or doing selfish things. I’m talking about serving others in ways that best fits or compliments your personality and comfort level. You won’t find me volunteering to sit and chat with a group of strangers. However, I’m more than happy to help prepare things behind the scenes for others to have a wonderful time. I’m a people pleaser so this has been a hard lesson to learn but a very valuable one.

FYI, I’ll be posting more about adoption as you requested. Can you give me some insight on what you want to know more about? What specific questions you have?

Home For Rent & Readers Choice

I've mentioned before that we lived in Las Vegas during Birds last 4 years in the Air Force. I have also mentioned how thanks to the Vegas market we are unable to sell our home without taking a HUGE hit. While we wait for a miracle, God has taken good care of us and our sweet tenants the past 2 years. He blessed us with an amazing family who has loved and enjoyed our home there as much as we do. You can imagine we were crushed when we learned last month they will be moving out. I'm sad for their situation and I'm sad for us too. It's hard to find dependable people who will enjoy and take good care of our home. If you would like to see some still shots of the house or take a virtual tour please email me. Who knows, maybe you know someone looking to rent a nice home in the Vegas area. In other news, life seems to be a little crazy. Not crazy bad, crazy good. We celebrated my mom's birthday on April 15th, mine on the 22nd and my dad's on the 26th. That's only mentioning the birthdays from my immediate family! Between my Vegas trip to be with my friend, Easter, birthdays, traveling to KC to see my brother and other daily or semi-routine activities I honestly don't know where to start with regards to blogging these days. Honestly, Is it too late to blog about Easter? Since I am at a loss and don't seem to know where to start I've decided to open the floor to my readers. Feel free to ask questions about us, our adoption, our travels or suggest topics for me to blog about. I'll answer your questions or post the topics in the order they are received. Now comes the hard part...waiting to see if anyone wants to play along.

Things I'm thankful for on my 37th birthday.

The calendar tells me it's April 22ND, the day I was born oh so long ago. I've been doing a lot of thinking since I received my first "birthday/annual physical reminder" card in the mail from my health insurance company last week. OK maybe thinking isn't quite the word I would use. I've been wallowing in self pity that I've officially hit the age where others think I need to be reminded of important things like your annual physical via a "birthday card."

"What does one do to celebrate such a monumental milestone?" Should I could cry, throw a fit or maybe take the card's advice and schedule my annual physical? HECK NO! I've decided to celebrate who "I am" and remind myself of 37 wonderful things I have to be thankful for. Here goes...

37 Things I'm Thankful For (in no particular order):

1. God
2. my parents
3. my brother and nephews
4. Bird
5. Yaya
6. my grandparents and extended family
7. my in laws ALL OF THEM
8. my friends
9. my health and that of my family
10. a roof over my head
11. food in the fridge
12. my mind
13. my education
14. freedom of speech
15. right to vote
16. I'm a woman
17. I'm a mother
18. our 3 insane and sweet dogs
19. my life
20. my experiences good and bad
21. my future
22. my ability to make choices for myself and my family
23. my church
24. my faith
25. my blog
26. my blog friends
27. my thyroid medicine (Yes, I'm even thankful for it.)
28. chocolate
29. the Internet and FACEBOOK
30. clothes on my back and my family's too
31. the earth and all it's wonders
32. my husband's job and income
33. passion
34. the rain
35. the sun
36. the stars and moon
37. all the places I've traveled.

IF your birthday is today Happy Birthday to you. If you've hit a milestone you weren't aware of or have dreaded how did it effect you? How did you try to change your attitude or mindset about it?

Happy Earth Day EVERYONE!

This is the house

where my family and I laid down our deepest roots. After years of moving from one place to another this is the house we finally settled down in and still consider "home" today. It's also one of the last places my mom and I stopped while we were in KC. When we moved in the house was stained brown and the shudders were a dark burnt orange. The tree in front was about 6 feet tall and the shrubs weren't planted until shortly after we moved in. Around that same time my dad installed the basketball goal which still stands on the right side of the driveway and apparently is still in use after more than 23 years. A year or two after we moved in, my dad and grandfather finished the basement adding another tv room, work room and game room with a pool table. While we lived here this house had more visitors than most will ever see. There were few weekends it wasn't overflowing from the basement to the rafters with people my dad knew from Volleyball crashing on the floor, couch or guest room in sleeping bags. As my brother and I grew this house became the hangout for our friends too. Our friends loved coming over and hanging out for a few hours or all night. Some of them even called our parents "mom and dad." Looking at the front of this house, my room was on the top behind the two windows on the left. The walls of my room went through as many changes as I did evidenced by the plethera of posters that were constantly replaced and ranged from ballet slippers and whales to teenage heart throbs or various friends and teenage crushes. It's the house where my brother and I had our pictures taken before our first and last high school dances. It's the house we both lived in when we graduated from high school and eventually returned to after college. This is the house where my family and Bird's joined together to celebrate becoming one. I spent my last night in my childhood room and this house as a bride with her new husband. The very next morning I said good-bye to this house and my family and set out to begin a new family in Wyoming. This is the house my parents sold a month later in order to move to California. This is the house my brother and I grew up in. I don't think any of us were together the first time we returned home. My first visit was 2 years after my family and I had moved out of it. To say my emotions caught me off guard would be an understatement. I was a blubbering mess. Seeing "our home" had been painted white and the family inside really wasn't mine was more than I could take. Monday afternoon, as my mom and I drove down the street toward it I worried how I might react. Who knew what other changes had taken place that might catch me off guard. The back seat of our rental car held one very obvious change in the 10 years since I stood in the driveway saying good-bye to it and my family. Just thinking of Yaya took the hurt out of seeing the new changes to our family's old house. Instead, I looked at the house in a new light and shared with Yaya the happy memories I had from when I grew up in it. She was thrilled to see and hear about the house and neighborhood I grew up in. Are you familiar with the song Kansas City by Fats Domino? It's the song everyone sang when we began our move to what would be our family's last home together. Click here if you want to listen.

How My Love of Killer Whales Began

When I was about 6 or 7 my parents bought season passes to Sea World in San Diego. It was one of our favorite places to visit. On this particular day, I recall sitting in the 3rd or 4th row. A few minutes after sitting my dad was approached by a Sea World staff member. He asked if it would be OK for me to participate in the show. I WAS OVER THE MOON EXCITED! I couldn't believe I had been chosen to participate in the Shamu show. I felt like the luckiest kid EVER and I still do today!

Sitting here now, it still feels like it happened only yesterday. I walked up the steps and stood next to one of Shamu's trainers. I answered questions like, "Have you ever touched a killer whale before? Would you like to feed him?" I remember him asking me if I wanted to see what his tongue felt like and then leaning over the tank in order to reach inside Shamu's giant mouth. I recall feeling shocked that it felt like sand paper. SO COOL! I recall putting my arms up in a circle out in front of me and Shamu pushing himself out of the water enough that my arms went around the tip of his mouth/head. A killer whale hug! In that moment my life changed. I fell head over heals in LOVE with this graceful giant. I've been in love with killer whales or any whale for that matter ever since.

(Me with Shamu)

I was so sad to hear one of these beautiful wild animals killed its trainer last week and I was horrified to think they might kill it! If you ask me how I feel about wild animals being kept in zoos or marine parks I wouldn't be able to give you an answer. On one hand I am a person who feels all creatures should be free and in the wild in their natural habitats. On the other hand, I am also a person who experienced first hand how coming face to face with such a beautiful wild creature can teach respect for and create a life long love for animals like no book or television show could have ever done.

My grandparents gave me the picture below when I was a teenager. They said it reminded them of me. I still have it and it's up on Yaya's wall. I pray she and our next child will have a life altering moment like I did. One that opens their eyes to the world they live in and the wonder of God's creatures we get to share it with.

My name is "Frizzy" and I'm a whale hugger and I'm proud of it.

(Taken of me at Sea World in Florida in 1996)

Random Dozen

I enjoyed participating in Random Dozen so much last week I've decided to take part again. I hope you'll do the same because I really enjoyed reading your answers too.

1. It's early morning, about 2:00AM, and you're driving home. You come to a red light and sit there. There is no one in sight for miles around. Do you wait it out or run the light? I am a rule follower to a fault. I would sit there til the light turns green. 2. If you had the chance to re-do the last 24 hours, would you change anything? I wouldn't re-do the last 24 hours but the past two weeks of parenting would be nice. 3. When you reply to someone's comment on your blog, do you reply in your comments or go to her blog and comment? (Or email her) Both 4. Your favorite Disney movie is: The Little Mermaid because it reminds me of my first love and the fun we had together. 5. Do you recycle? We do. I did a post about it here. 6. Games of strategy or games of chance? Any game I can whoop Bird's rear is FINE BY ME! I'm not picky. Teehehe 7. Do you have any recurring dreams? I used to have recurring dreams of my teeth falling out and someone cutting my hair. (My hair used to go all the way down my back.) I figure these must be related to my need for control. 8. What did you learn from your first real job? Hmm what can you learn from working at Taco Bell? My first day of work I learned the importance of asking for and taking a break to cool off so that you don't pass out at the register while waiting on a member of the Varsity football team. No, I didn't pass out from his good looks. Though each time he came in after that he teased me about not fainting on him this time. The air conditioner was broken and it was over 100 degrees in the building. I fainted at his feet and came to sitting on a bunch of boxes in the back. NOT one of my best memories that's for sure. 9. Do you buy or borrow most books? I like to buy my books because I want to keep them when I'm done. Why? I don't know because I've never re-read a book in my life. 10. What fashion trend of the past did you say you'd never wear again but did? I swore I would NEVER wear Bell bottoms but look what I have on today. I think they're now called flare jeans. 11. When do you start Christmas shopping? I start the day after Christmas but still seem not to finish til just before the next holiday season. 12. Have you ever been so happy that you literally jumped up and down for a few seconds? If so, what was the occasion? I think I've done this only 3 times. I must have jumped up and down when I opened my cabbage patch doll as a kid. I still remember that doll and Christmas like it was yesterday. My mom made her for me. I/we jumped up and down in our kitchen when we found out we were moving to Aviano Italy for our next duty station. We were SO excited about living in Italy we couldn't wait to shout it from the roof tops. The day we brought Yaya home is probably the last time I was so happy and excited I felt the need to jump for joy.

Random Dozen

Last week, I enjoyed reading Betty's answers to Linda's meme, Random Dozen. I enjoyed it so much I decided to play along myself. The only problem is I am unable to add the HTML or picture to this post. I hope giving credit and links is enough. Thanks ladies. This was a fun one to play along with and I hope some of my friends will play along too.

1. Candy corn: Your thoughts?

I used to love candy corn. I'm talking love it! I loved it so much I ate too much and almost made myself sick on this stuff. Now, I admire it from afar.

2. Briefly, what was the first conversation you ever had with your spouse? (or best friend, if you're not married.) (Or someone significant, like your librarian.)

I'm ashamed to admit what I remember of it was trying to explain to Bird how I rarely got drunk like I was on that particular night. After all, my girlfriends and I were celebrating my 24th birthday.

3. Could you ever become a vegetarian?

HECK NO! I'm a meat and potato girl from the MID WEST.

4. Have you ever dressed up your pet in a costume?

Hmmm, making her wear a t-shirt from Alcatraz or catching her with a birthday noisemaker in her mouth count?

5. Name something about childhood that you miss (like Clark Bars, Teaberry Gum, Malibu Barbie, cracking fake eggs on people's heads with your fist and "It's the Great Pumpkin" airing only once a year).

I miss listening to John Denver and The Muppets Christmas while decorating the tree with my family. Back then, I thought it was a bit much but now it doesn't seem like Christmas without it.

6. Have you ever won a trophy? If not, what do you deserve a trophy for?

I have never won a trophy per say but I've been awarded Employee of the Month (more than once), Employee of the Year and I even received a letter of recognition from the Pentagon for my work as a Social Worker.

7. When do you think is the appropriate time to begin playing Christmas music each year? Dec. 1st! :)

I think I answered this in question number 5. No sooner than Thanksgiving but the day after is fair game.

8. What's your favorite board game?

Hm, Bird and I play Scrabble quite regularly. We also enjoy Boggle and Cranium with friends.

9. How do you feel about surprises (receiving, not giving)?

I hate them! I really really do! I never feel I deserve them and don't like being put on the spot in such a way. As for giving them, I would love to be able to surprise my husband just once but he's always too nosey and ruins his gifts or surprises of any kind.

10. Is it easy for you to say, "I'm sorry?" Bird tells me I say it too much. I probably do but for some reason even if I haven't done anything wrong I feel sorry for someone's pain or frustration. 11. What is your favorite candle scent?

Vanilla or Cinnamon, I have to be careful with scents because some tend to make me hungry and I don't need any additional help when it comes to craving food.

12. October is traditionally "open house" time in public schools. If you had a literal open house in your home (like a reception) what light snacks would you serve visitors and what would you show them (as in art projects, graded papers) that would uniquely represent you? I would and have served fresh fruit and veggie trays, endive cups, chicken empanadas, chicken salad. Last but certainly not least, you can't have an open house without something sweet like this yummy Pumpkin cake. As for what I would display...probably photos I've taken, matted and framed from our travels. They seem to be the focal point of many if not most of our walls.

Dear Michael Jackson

Today, as I was listening to Italia.FM on my computer I heard you, Michael Jackson, "THE KING OF POP" died." I sat there in complete shock and honestly denial. I prayed the news was wrong and that it was a horrible publicity stunt gone wrong. I prayed that you were in a coma as the news suspected and would make a miracle recovery. In all honesty, I think I'm in denial even now. My heart just doesn't want to believe what my brain and the news is telling it. I recall singing at the top of my lungs to ABC, Ben and Rockin Robin in the back seat of my parent's car as some of my earliest and best childhood memories. I saw you 3 maybe 4 times in concert in the 80's and 90's. The first time, was when you and the Jackson 5 did your reunion tour. My mom and I drove from Jefferson City Missouri to Kansas City to see you. That was my very first concert and it was a big deal not just to me but the world. We were in the nosebleed section and you appeared to be small as ants but in reality you were larger than life to me. It is the concert I've compared all others too. It's a pretty tall order to try and top one of Michael Jakson's concerts. Very few other performers stood even the slightest chance against you. Growing up, if we heard you were going to be on TV my family would tune in because you and your music were guaranteed fun entertainment. My brother owned a pair of parchute pants. We both coveted any one of your jackets or the diamond studded white glove. Do you remember the first time they showed Thriller on tv? I remember being gathered around the tv at a friend's house for a Thriller premier party and it was like we were celebrating a holiday or something. That video still makes me shiver today not because I'm still afraid but I honestly think seeing it takes me back to my childhood and that very moment. I don't recall a single Halloween since that hasn't included Thriller and Vincent Price. As a teenager, my girlfriend Jeny and I went to see you together several times. We talked about boys and life in her room while listening to your music. It was almost like all the world was right when your songs were on the radio. I even recall watching you perform during the half time show of the Super Bowl when I was in college. Tons of friends surrounded me and not a noise was made while you were on stage. You were loved and adored by us all. Your music and videos ALWAYS brought out emotion in us. Often your dance moves were seen as controversial and or innovative. That didn't stop any of us kids from trying to imitate each and every one of them. You knew how to touch our souls whether it was to make us do the Moon Walk, hug a friend or try to save the world. I recall people holding hands across America to your song in order to raise money, awareness and wipe out world hunger. WE ARE THE WORLD! I feel the world has lost such a beautiful and inspirational person. My only hope is that God will use you in Heaven to bring peace to us here on earth. No matter how I try to wrap my head around this the bottom line is that I'm overwhelmingly sad. I, like many others have been watching your videos since the news came. Yaya has been by my side watching, listening to your story and she immediately started dancing to your songs. She refers to you as "Michael Jacks." She's not quite 3 but she can see you're special and is already dancing to your songs with the love and admiration generations before her have shared. My greatest sadness came when I realized she will never get to see you and experience "Michael Jackson" live like I did. Her only knowledge of you will be like mine of Elvis and it breaks my heart! Some have compared you to a modern day Peter Pan because you were an eternal child at heart. Maybe that's why I and millions of others feel a huge piece of me and my childhood died with you today, Michael. I pray you are now happy and at peace. I pray that all that you couldn't have on earth has been granted to you in heaven. I pray your children will always remember you through their own eyes and experiences not through those of the media. Only they knew the real you and I want them to remember you for you. Their loving and devoted father. Michael, you will forever be in my heart. Take care and rest in peace. Thank you for ALL of the memories of which there are way too many to count. You are and will always be missed. Your forever fan, Nichole

More Q and A's.

Nichole asked What do you do when (you think) no one is looking? Good question! Hmmmm, I can't believe I'm going to share this but I'm paranoid about bad breath so I try to smell my breath to decide if I need a breath mint. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope and I never have. I hate to wear shoes so I kick any and all shoes off my feet as fast as possible. Do you have any hidden talents? I like to pick up toys, socks, you name it with my toes. I do this all the time. Is that a talent? My husband thinks I'm a freak. However, I've seen Yaya is starting to do it too. LOL! Do you have any phobias? I HATE BUGS! My family makes fun of me and says I'm paranoid of them but I really think bugs seek me out. Especially mosquitoes! If there's one anywhere in my vicinity it'll find me and try to suck my blood! When we lived in Italy there were gaps under all the doors to allow for air flow. We also didn't have screens in our windows which is common for Italian homes. These openings allowed tiny lizards, angle worms and stink bugs to crawl or fly inside. I think this is when I really became phobic of bugs in my home. I remember after a month of solid rain seeing an angle worm slithering across my area rug. I went bananas! The next day I begged our landlords to install screens in the windows and offered to pay. Besides family and friends, what is one thing that you could not live without? A pillow. I have to sleep with a pillow in my arms or I can't fall asleep at night. Also, my friends would tell you I almost always have a pillow in my lap when I'm sitting down. It's kind of a security thing for me and has been for as long as I can remember. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a Marine Biologist. I could sit and read Jacques Cousteau's books for hours and hours when I was a kid. When I was 7 or 8 years old, I was picked out of the audience to play with Shamu at Sea World in California. It was the coolest thing ever to be able to hug, dance with and pet Shamu. I even got to touch his sandpaper like tongue. Definitely one of my favorite memories from my childhood and I've been a huge lover of the ocean and all the creatures in it ever since. Want to hear how crazy I am? I dream of someday swimming with sharks. Hot Tub Lizzy asked... What's one guilty pleasure you have? I love sweets though I don't keep them in my home unless we're having company. So, something I have to have on a daily basis is a can of Coke. It's my biggest weakness! What's your favorite breakfast food? I love breakfast burritos but only allow myself to have them when I go out to breakfast. YUM! YUM! It doesn't get any better than eggs, cheese, salsa and sour cream in the morning. What would you do if it was 2.5 hours past your child's bedtime and they were still up? CRY! Actually, we had some issues with Yaya's bedtime after Halloween this year. Thankfully, we helped her over that and she falls asleep in her bed on her own again. Well, she did before our company came Saturday. We'll see if she goes willingly back into her own bed tonight.

Anonymous and Dawn

Anonymous in KC asked... If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be? We all have moments in our life we wish we could change or relive. I hate to think I may have caused anyone I cared for pain. In addition, I wish I hadn't allowed myself to be hurt by people I felt were my friends or otherwise. However, I am a firm believer in learning from those experiences and moving forward. I know there isn't one person or situation in my life that hasn't in some way shaped the person I am today and I like who I am. On the other hand...the one concrete thing I would change would be the ability to sell our home in Vegas without losing all the money we paid for it. IF ONLY MONEY REALLY GREW ON TREES! Our beautiful Las Vegas home is the one thing that makes me crazy. However, God seems to have something up his sleeve for us and I'm trying to be patient while He finds the right time to let us in on his plan. Now, how about leaving your name the next time you leave a comment or ask a question. ;) I would love to know who you are! Dawn asked... What's your idea of the perfect date for you and your husband? Dang, my husband made me change my first answer. It made him blush! Seriously though, we love trying new restaurants and exloring our community. We love seeing the shows especially when we lived in Vegas. We have always had fun traveling together on long or short trips. Then again, a quiet night at home sipping wine, playing a game of scrabble or snuggling on the couch is pretty awesome too. I wrote about one of my favorite dates with him here. What's his idea? Running through the sprinkler and singing "We are the World." Or, enjoying a first-class restaurant and a show (if the sprinklers aren't working). He wrote that all by himself! Now you understand just one of the reasongs I love him. HE MAKES ME LAUGH!

This One's For Anissa and Rebecca Jo

Anissa asked What is your favorite time of year and why? I love fall which you may or may not have guessed from all my posts last fall. I can't get enough of all the colors in nature! They are the same colors I seem to surround myself with in my home. Golds, greens, reds, plums! I LOVE THESE COLORS! It's also my favorite season because during my frequent moves it's often a season that is very brief or missed all together in some parts of the country/world. Rebecca Jo asked What is your favorite smell? I recently did a post on 5 senses that asked 4 of my favorite smells and 1 smell I dislike. Here's what I answered. 1. The smell of my husband, daughter and the smell of my home! 2. Onions and garlic cooking on the stove or bread/cake/brownies in the oven. 3. Lilacs, Lavender, Rosemary and Jasmine 4. Italian Espresso bars! 5. Hate: dirty diapers, cat litter, cat urine or smoke What age would you go back to again because you loved? This is a hard question for me to answer because I don't seem to be one who lives in the moment or here and now (though I am working on it now that my husband and Yaya are in my life.) Historically, I've looked forward to or worried what is coming or around the corner because I've moved so much. That said, I loved being on my own for the first time and living in my own apartment when I was 24. I can't tell you how important it was to me to know I could live and succeed on my own. In fact, I refused to get married until I knew I could take care of myself and didn't need to rely on anyone. IT WAS EMPOWERING and I think everyone should give themselves this same gift before committing their life to another. I also love my life right now. I have a great husband and a healthy little girl who make my life complete. What age period would you like to live in? I am drawn to books and movies set in time periods like Oliver Twist, Little Women, Sense and Sensibility, Wuthering Heights, Tess of the d'Urbervilles. I don't know why! If I did live in that time period, I would not have been nobility. I would not have enjoyed being a second, third or fourth class citizen nor do I like to see anyone treated as such! I love to look at the clothes from that period but know I would have died if I were forced to wear them myself. Plus, I like my car, air conditioning, washer, dryer, microwave, electric or gas stoves and heater thank you very much. LOL! What can I say I guess I'm a romantic? I'm spoiled in this period here and now. What does a perfect day look like for you? Time spent with family or friends playing games, relaxing, or traveling. I'm also a sucker for a day to myself w/o a goal or care in the world.

Here you go!

Friday, I decided to let you ask me some questions. I wasn't sure if anyone would have any questions so you can imagine my surprise this morning when I opened my blog to find not one but several. I'm going to answer your questions in the order they were asked. That means I'm answering your questions first Betty. Yeah! I'm so excited about this! Thanks for playing along everyone. 1. Do you plan on adopting again? As a matter of fact we are in the process of looking at 3 or 4 agencies right now. We are shocked at how much has changed in the adoption world in only 2 years too! For example, the most cost effective way you can adopt a child is w/o using an agency. This means you advertise your profile on a website like Adoption.com. You'll need to still hire someone to do your home study, hire a lawyer to finalize the adoption and I would recommend using an Adoption Consultant too. They will help you do such things as get proof of a pregnancy from a birth mother and help you work through any possible problems or questions. We're currently looking at these agencies Bethany, Adoption Network, Little Angels and/or Sierra Adoption Services. 2. & 3. Do you work outside of the house (job)? If not, what kind of job did you have? I am now a full time stay at home mommy. Prior to adopting Yaya I was a Social Worker in various health care settings such as Long Term Care, Hospice, hospital Discharge Planning and Alzheimer's Unit Director. 4. Do you always make your own pasta now that you've taken that class? :) I haven't hand made pasta since my class last weekend. That said, I look forward to making it again soon. Would be fun to make my own lasagna noodles. However, I will probably wait until my birthday in April. Maybe my sweet sweet husband will buy me a pasta maker. (Hint Hint!) Great questions Betty! Thanks for participating. If you are tuning in late but have a question feel free to leave it in today's comments. I'll continue to answer your questions in the order they are received and as time and 6 added people in my home allow. ;) Anissa my friend, I'll be anwering your question next.

Penny for your thoughts...

I have a lot on my mind these days but for some reason can't find a way to put my thoughts on "paper." I've even started several posts but none seem to convey what is really on my heart. Instead, I've decided to let you ask me some questions. I've seen a few other bloggers do this when they were in a writing funk and it was fun getting to know more about them. Now, tell me. Is there anything you would like to know? Any questions you may have asked and I forgot to answer? Any old posts you would like more info or follow-up on? I'll have to warn you, I'm not a fortune teller nor am I a miracle worker so keep these questions simple please. I do not have time or interest in solving the world's problems. Well, maybe I have the interest just not the right connections to do anything about it. LOL! Either way, I'll leave that job to the professionals like Lizzy, Lisa and Gramma! Looking forward to having you pick my brain. By the way, I have family coming to stay with us tomorrow through Thursday. I will answer as many questions each day as time and 6 added people in my home allow. ;) Disclosure...In case you are banking on that penny mentioned in my post title, you should know I have no money or intention of paying for your questions. The only token you will receive in return for your question(s) is a small but honest look into my life and my heart.

5 Senses

Betty shared this today and I enjoyed her answers so much I decided to play along myself! I am to list 4 things I love, and one thing I hate, for each category. Then tag 5 people; having them do the same.

Smell

1. The smell of my husband and daughter!

2. Onions and garlic cooking on the stove or bread/cake/brownies in the oven.

3. Lilacs, Lavender, Rosemary and Jasmine

4. Italian Espresso bars!

5. Hate: dirty diapers, cat litter, cat urine or smoke

Touch

1. Running my fingers through my dog Ellie's soft fur.

2. My daughter's cheek against mine.

3. Rubbing a piece of fabric between my fingers. (I've done this since I was an infant and still do it to this day. Most of the time I don't even realize it.)

4. Having my hair brushed by someone else.

5. Hate: Fish or anything slimy

Sound

1. My husband or daughter breathing as they sleep or their laughter or singing as they play together.

2. Rain pitter pattering on the roof or window.

3. The sound of Italian church bells ringing out the time.

4. Music

5. Hate: My dog Ellie's nervous growl.

Taste

1. Ripe fruit. Especially peaches!

2. The perfect glass of Merlot.

3. Amatriciana

4. Dark Chocolate

5. Hate: Fishy tasting food.

Sight

1. My husband and/or daughter's smile.

2. Sunsets in Wyoming, Capri and Mykonos.

3. Letters in the mail or comments on my blog.

4. Paris and Venice. I cried the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower and was overwhelmed with a sense of adventure each time walked out of Venice's Santa Lucia train station and saw the canal. 5. Hate: dirty dishes laying in the sink or on the counter

I wasn't tagged so I won't be tagging anyone. However, if you decide to play along I would love it if you would tell me so I can read your answers too.

My story with food and cooking.

I am going to tell you something you probably don't know about me. I LOVE TO COOK, but my love of cooking didn't begin until after I married Bird. In fact, during one of our first dates Bird offered to make me dinner. When I offered to help he said, "OK, you can dice the onion and mince the garlic." I think my eyes may have bugged out of my head from fear. GULP! I immediately told him I'd do the dishes instead. I had no idea how to mince garlic. Didn't it come in a jar?

When we first married I could MAYBE make a handful of meals. In fact, my parents gave Bird this mangled spoon as a wedding gift and as a warning that I wasn't a cook.

I caught that spoon in my mom's blender years before and they'd saved it for just the right moment. Somehow the right moment became the night before my wedding. HA! Luckily Bird already new I didn't cook so he wasn't too scared. He soon learned I could make only a handful of meals. They included pasta from a box with a pre-made jar of sauce, Saucy Pork Chops (Family recipe), Tacos, Mush Burgers and Pot Roast. Looking back, I laugh at this because we had friends over all the time for dinner. Luckily, these "friends" were also starving college students who weren't too picky about what they ate. LOL!

Things didn't change much until three years later when we moved to Italy. I was still a VERY picky eater which is why I only cooked a handful of meals. Moving to a foreign country forced me out of my food safety zone. I often couldn't understand enough Italian to comprehend all of what was in the meal I ordered. At times, I ate things only to avoid looking rude to our Italian hosts. I DID NOT WANT TO OFFEND and I was afraid to ask questions for fear of learning what was really in the meal. Last, I couldn't work while living in Italy on base or off and had tons of time on my hands. Slowly but surely those "strange and foreign" ingredients made it into my own cooking. IF my limited tastes weren't restricting enough Bird decided he wasn't going to eat red meat anymore due to the Mad Cow disease in Europe. I didn't and still don't eat fish or sea food so it was out too. That left only turkey, chicken and sometimes pork. It was then I made my New Year's resolution to cook a new recipe at least once a week.

I began accumulating tons of recipes from friends, magazines and cook books. When we returned to the U.S. I began watching oodles of cooking shows and have since made hundreds of new recipes. It's fun for me to try new flavors and tastes now. I love it even more when I have the opportunity to try new recipes on friends and family. I'll admit some recipes were great and a few I don't plan to make again. My parents no longer tease me about my cooking skills. In fact, I'm now told I'm a great cook. I don't think I'm a great cook I think I'm a good recipe follower! Here are my favorite tools to use with almost every meal these days. Notice none of them are mangled. LOL!

Salt, garlic press (for mincing), pepper grinder, microplane, sharp knife, kitchen sheers and vegetable peeler. I also enjoy using my cheese grater. What's your story about food and cooking?