I am having an emotional day/week. I see and appreciate all the beautiful blessings in my life but I still feel like SOMETHING or SOMEONE is missing. We've been making little changes in the house in attempt to prepare Yaya for her sibling's arrival but she doesn't understand why we're slowly changing her room and other things around when "her baby" isn't even here yet. How are we to help prepare her for a sibling when we have no idea of when he/she will arrive? No amount of explaining makes sense to her. How can it? It doesn't always make sense to us.
Honestly, there are no words to describe how it feels waiting to be "chosen." After awhile, you start to question EVERYTHING, "What's wrong with us or me? What's wrong with our profile? Are we saying something wrong? Are we coming across too strong or not strong enough? Do we sound too preachy? Should we change our pictures or the stories we've shared?" Some days the questions and insecurities just don't stop. I've even wondered if God intends for us to find a sibling for Yaya. WHAT IF it's not part of His plan? Seriously, WHAT IF?
In addition to waiting to be chosen, we've also been waiting to hear from Yaya's birth mom. She hasn't written us since she transitioned to her new home in May. We don't want to think she's returned to her old habits BUT... "Sigh"
Saturday, we received a second letter from Yaya's biological grandparents. The letter didn't share much emotion but it did share a little of their family history. They expressed joy at receiving our letter and photos and they included a birthday card, money for a birthday gift for Yaya and photos of Yaya's birth mom as a baby up to her wedding day. At the end of the letter Yaya's aunt asked to correspond with us too. We're happy to hear of their desire to be part of her life. At the same time, we realize this will open another chapter.
It was nice to see where Yaya gets her nose or her eyes. She resembles her mother a little as an infant and young child but already the resemblances are fading too. From the information her grandfather provided Yaya has some of her birth mother's emotional characteristics. I find it hard to describe how it feels now that some of our questions are being answered and that window into the past is opening. I wonder, if their sudden entrance into our life is God's way of preparing us for Yaya's sibling and the family that may come with him/her.
We wonder how it might effect Yaya if our second child has an involved birth family while her birth family only chooses to communitcate through occasional letters. Believe me...these things are quickly recognized and matter to a child. They see the differences very quickly and ask "WHY?" just like anyone else. To be honest, I'm not at all sure how to end this post. I am writing it in attempt to find some insight and peace. That said, I guess I'll ask for words of encouragement and prayers please.
Click HERE to continue reading about our adoption journey.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
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12 comments:
Frizzy....this has got to be agonizing for you guys at times. Waiting is hard...no matter how prepared you are...waiting can be pure torture.
I think I agree with Betty...this is very similar to the ups and downs of pregnancy.
I so admire you and Bird for your willingness to have been a part of an open adoption. I am truly in awe of how you allow Yaya's biological family to be involved in her life.
God is definitely preparing you for something...something wonderful!
I wish with all my heart that we lived closer....but I'm with you in spirit. Praying for you Frizzy!
I wish I had amazing words... but I don't. Just some love across the internet... I'm feeling quite the same tonight. Like everyone else is in control of things that directly effect me.
Ugh.
Hugs.
Loving you from Arlington. I like what Betty says about the time it takes to go through a normal pregnancy. Hold tight and true, He has never let you down and He won't now either.
I could have written your post. We have been waiting now for almost 2 years and the "What If's", especially the What if it's not His plan, really struck at my heart. I have been really wondering that exact question big time this week, and it has been beyond stressful. Has all of this been my desire and not His?
It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Susanne
www.soreadytoreceive.blogspot.com
I wait and pray. I do. I pray for you all at least once a day. It's true.
I wonder frequently myself, because our lives seem to run a little parallel. Yaya is just a few months younger than Momo. You let me know you started looking early in 2009 when I was newly pregnant. I am hoping that this long awaited child will be close to Mr Moonlight's age. Ahhh, sweet destiny, oh, let it be so!
OK, so that is silly fanciful wishful thinking. It's mine to have.
And I know that makes no real sense nor is it profound words.
But I want it to happen for you SO badly!
Don't worry about Yaya, young kids have a funny distorted sense of time anyway. They never really seem ready even if you were to tell them months ahead of time or a few days. They jump in and sort out their feelings *when* it happens. Not a bad lesson, that.
I agree, there IS a plan, of this I am sure. The unknowing is so....desolate emotionally, but please trust in God.
"Love is never tired of waiting." 1 Corinthians 13:4
Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Hoping that your waiting ends soon.
Thanks for your posts! To be honest, I'm not totally sure how I found your blog. I'm guessing it was from another one, or possibly Bethany Services where I recently was visiting. I wish I could remember. Send me an email anytime. I can promise that I feel the exact way you do.
Wow! That is some tough stuff to deal with. Sometimes The Plan doesn't match what we desire right now. Apparently the anxiety that you are feeling now is The Work that you need to do. It has got to suck but you guys are so strong. You have an amazing family.
Thank yo for sharing this. Know that your friends here are praying you through this. It is hard when God asks us to wait a bit longer, but continue to think of how wonderful it will be when it happens! The anxiety is normal, but remember all in HIS time. HUGS!
Ya'll deserve it. You deserve to have wonderful kids and be chosen b/c you're wonderful people. And you deserve to have some news. Soon.
The waiting is the hardest. And the unknown. I guess that's why it's called "blind faith", huh? ;)
I can only imagine how it must feel to watch your daughter & worry about her emotions etc. Give it all to God sweet friend (I'm sure you are already). I'll be praying for you guys & your adoption.
Renata XO
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