Happy Mother's Day

Wishing all of my friends a Happy Mother's Day!

To those of you waiting for your little one to arrive.  Do not give up hope! 

God's plan is perfect and so is His timing.

Happy Mother's Day mom! 

Thank you for loving me and for supporting me through it all. 

What prayers can do!

It finally happened.  After almost 4 years of prayers and waiting we received the call on Friday morning, April 20th only 2 days before my birthday.  I was on my way out of town for a 3 day women's retreat with our church.  I quickly shared the details of her story with Bird and off I went.  Over the weekend I spent a lot of time in prayer over this little girl and our family.  Friday night I begged God to make her healthy and take away any of her ailments.  By Sunday, my heart had been changed and I was begging God to change me and make me into the mom she needed me to be.  Over and over again I prayed, "God make your will my will.  Make your will my will."  I desperately loved her already without ever meeting her and I wanted nothing more than to be her mother.  My fear was Bird might not feel the same and I had no way to talk to Bird because my cell phone didn't have any coverage there. It seemed as if each lesson that weekend was aimed at us and I wanted Bird to hear and learn what I was learning.  God wanted us apart so we could both listen to Him alone. 

  

When I returned home Sunday afternoon my family had a birthday dinner planned once again making it impossible to discuss with Bird.  Tuesday morning, after several conversations I begged Bird to tell me where he stood.  He was 90% yes and 10% undecided.  As he walked out the door that morning to take Yaya to school I began crying and begged God to give him the clarity he needed to move forward.  When I opened my eyes I saw a blackbird through our kitchen window.  I'm telling you that bird was walking down the sidewalk across the street as if he was a person and as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  If you have followed our blog from the beginning you'll know the significance of what blackbirds mean in our family.  I began SCREAMING at the top of my lungs for Bird to come back inside.  As he came back in the door I said, "If that blackbird walking down the sidewalk across the street doesn't tip the scale and give you the peace and answers you need I don't know what will."  His response was simple.  "I don't see one black bird.  I see two."  I turned to look out the window again and began to cry tears of such joy.  Finally I heard the words I had been waiting to hear.  He said, "I'm 100% sure she's the baby God has intended for our family.  

  

Bird and I met Lily the next Sunday, April 29th for the first time and we began the process of transitioning her into our home.  Yaya wasn't able to meet her until Wednesday, May 2nd and in the days prior to meeting Lily she was an emotional wreck.  She cried at the drop of a hat and just couldn't keep it together.  I asked her several times what was wrong but she told me she didn't know.  Wednesday night however, after meeting Lily Yaya broke down and told me the truth.  She said she had been terrified her new baby sister wouldn't like her.  In reality, all it took was one look into each other's eyes and they both fell head over heals for the other.  I have no doubt they were meant to be sisters.  Yaya has been so good to Lily and tonight she told us Lily was exactly what she prayed her sister would be like.  She loves to feed and hold her.  Lily loves watching Yaya dance and sing.  This morning while Yaya was at school I even caught Lily looking at Yaya's school poster board.  She was laying in her play yard flirting with the picture of Yaya. We're talking non-stop cooing and giggles from this 4 month old sweetie pie.  She adores Yaya!

God has been so good to us!  Thank you all for praying us through this process.  Thank you for helping us keep faith and encouraging us to hold on to hope in the darkest times of our journey.  Your love and prayers lifted our spirits on more than one occasion. 

This precious baby girl is the result of thousands upon thousands of prayers.

I am the proudest and happiest mommy in the world!

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;

make known his deeds among the peoples!

Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell all of his wondrous works!"

Psalm 105: 1-2

How Many Moons?

How many moons have passed since our journey to you began? 

How many moons?

How many moons since God breathed life into you?

How many moons?

How many moons will we look up and wonder where you are?

How many moons?

How many moons until we hold you in our arms?

How many moons?

How many moons until our family is complete?

How many moons?

How many moons will it take to love you?
How many moons?
We already do.

We already do!

Can I have a ...?

Picture this, We're in aisle 1 of Safeway and Yaya asks, "Mom, can I have a party?"  I respond, "Not today."  Next aisle, not two minutes later Yaya asks,  "Mom, can I have a Valentine's Day party?"  I respond, "No, I'm sorry honey we're not having one this year."  Fast forward to aisle 3, Yaya is dancing around and spinning in circles when she suddenly stops in her tracks and eyes a young woman (a stranger) in the middle of this isle. Yaya begins, "Excuse me.  Do you like parties? I'm having a party and you can come if you want.  I'm going to invite all my friends.  I'm going to have cake and ice cream and lots of fun games.  I'm even going to put on a play.  Do you want to come?"  Stranger responds, "Well, you're very sweet and your party sounds like lots of fun but I don't think so.   Thank you for asking me."  Without skipping a beat Yaya continues her mission, "Wellllllllllllll, you really SHOULD come if you want.  It's REALLY going to be FUN!  I think you should come."  The stranger smiles politely and says, "Not this time thanks." and politely walks away.  Yaya looks at me and asks, "Mom, do you think she'll come to my party?  I can't wait to have my party!"  With growing irritation, I respond, "No, she won't be coming to your party because you're not having a party, remember?  I don't want to hear another word about it. Do you understand?  We're not having a party!"  Yaya quickly responds, "BUT MOM!!!!! If you let me have a party, YOU can come too!!!"  I sarcastically think to myself, "Well that changes everything!  OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE PARTY SINCE YOU'RE INVITING ME." AAAACK!  Calgon TAKE ME AWAY!

Needless to say, I was less than pleased with Yaya today during our trip to the store.  By the time we walked out I was furious at her.  I could not believe she continued asking the same question over and over again throughout the store while I continuously answered, "No" each time.  In addition to feeling angry I felt ignored and exhausted. NOT TO THE POINT OF GIVING IN MIND YOU.  We are not having a party!   

As I sat quietly fuming at a stop light on the way home it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 "How is what I'm doing to God any different than what Yaya just did to me in the grocery store?" 

Every day, I wake up and I ask, "God, is today the day we'll get the call for our baby?"  "God, when are you going to bless us with another baby?"  "God, Why isn't our baby here yet?"  "God, are you going to bless us with a second child?"  "God, WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  God, WHEN?  WHEN?  WHEN?" 

I wonder if he grows as tired, angry or frustrated as I did when he hears me ask these same questions OVER and OVER and OVER.  Anyway, I was given the 365 day Bible study Jesus Calling by Sarah Young as a Christmas gift this year.  Each time, I've sat down and asked the questions above I've received loving answers in the daily lesson and scripture.  Here are a few examples:

"I have lovingly planned every inch of the way.  Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep.  Breathe deep draughts of My Presence, and hold tightly to My hand.  Together we can make it!" 

Reference Scriptures below are from the New Living Translation Bible

John 21:19  "Then Jesus said, "Follow me."

2 Corinthians 4:17 For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

Example 2:

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know you and understand you completely, My thoughts embrace you in everlasting Love.  "I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence.""

Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Example 3:

"On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me!  I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected.  It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours.  Don't try to figure out what is happening.  Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all.  I know the plans I have for you, and they are good."

Isaiah 55:9-11 9“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Jeremiah 29:11 (quoted above)

I now realize, Yaya's dreams for a party have the same feelings of hope, excitement and joy attached to them as my dreams for another baby.   I hate that I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me.  I wish I could have responded to each of Yaya's requests for a party as lovingly as the daily lessons offered in Jesus Calling and the Bible itself.  This is something I intend to work very hard on.

Off WE GO!

We chose our Adoption Agency today. (God did really! Wait and see how he revealed His plan.) We wanted to use Bethany during our first adoption but they wouldn't cross state lines into Nevada. This time I hesitated to use them only because they're about an hour and a half from where we live. I've been nervous about starting this journey again and think that's why we haven't been sold on or happy with any of the agencies we had met with. That all changed today!

Bird and I stopped to eat at Chili's before the informational adoption meeting. While we were waiting on our meal I overheard the song Blackbird on the restaurant's radio. Some of you may recall this is the same song we heard the night we first met Yaya. We felt the words in the song were God's way of telling us she was meant to be ours. The words say, "You were always waiting for this moment to arise." Tonight was the first time I have heard it played on the radio since that night in our car 2 years ago. Also like before, I hadn't even noticed music playing in the background until I heard Sarah McLachlan's voice, "Blackbird singing in the dead of night." I froze and then told Bird, "SHHH! Listen to the music!" He couldn't even hear the song until I sang along with it myself. We just stared at each other in shock and amazement. We couldn't believe in all this time neither of us had heard the song on the radio til that moment. If that wasn't enough of a smack in the head...GET THIS!

We walked in the front door of Bethany and directly behind the counter was this scripture plastered across the wall in HUGE LETTERS.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

This is one of many scriptures that got me through our attempts at IVF as well as our first adoption journey. Until today, I hadn't even felt excitement about a second adoption. I thought it was because I wasn't ready emotionally. Turns out, I was waiting for God's push. As soon as I heard that song on the radio I got chills and so did Bird. Then, to read those words in bold print on the wall as we walked in just about brought me to my knees! The final sign of the night came when we heard the Social Worker's testimony. She explained how she was adopted. In addition, she and her husband adopted their son through Bethany and she started working for them soon after. This is something we felt was important with our adoption. We wanted to know the people working for us had adopted themselves and really understood what we were going through first hand. Boy does she ever!

Tonight, we feel like we're floating on a cloud! We are so excited to start this process again feeling God is behind us in our decision. We ask that you pray for us. We will need tons of prayer, guidance and support while filling out forms and making decisions that will effect us, Yaya and our newest family member for the rest of our lives. THANK YOU ALL!

Click HERE if you would like to continue reading our adoption story.