A weekend with friends

What a wonderful weekend!  Friday after school, Yaya and I met some friends at the park for a playdate.  I'm so happy I brought my camera so I could snap pics of the girls in the daffodils. It was a hard week for Yaya as she had a horrible fever and double ear infection.  We kept her home two days to recover from her nasty fever and allow the antibiotics to work their magic.  Thankfully, we were able to end the week on a high note with lots of friends.

Sunday afternoon, I was able to throw together a reunion of sorts.  These girls attended preschool together and haven't been together since last summer.  Bailey and Yaya share the same birthday and Aisha's is two days later.  They were so happy to be together again.

I heard happy voices and giggles throughout the afternoon. 

Nobody wanted the fun to end, including me. 

Valentine's Celebrations and a Wonderful Cause

The last week or so have been busy around here.  Friday afternoon, Nana, Yaya and I had fun decorating some Valentine Cookie pops together.    

Saturday night Yaya spent the night with Nana and Pappy and they had a blast.  Nana let Yaya try on tons of her clothes and they put on a fashion show for Pappy.  Yaya has since been digging through my closet looking for my fancy clothes.  She can't figure out why I don't own a dress.  I keep reminding her I don't go to work so I don't need fancy dresses and tops but she doesn't believe me.

Sunday afternoon, Yaya sold her cookie pops out front of their home.  She quickly made $9.00 and decided she wanted to raise more money to help her cousin Cora and friend, Katelyn who have both had open heart surgeries.  A plan was quickly put into place for her to sell homemade red velvet cupcakes with buttercream frosting at Pappy's office the next day.  It quickly beame a family affair.  Bird, Yaya and I baked several batches of the cupcakes.  Mom and I made buttercream frosting and frosted the cupcakes and Yaya added the sprinkles.  Monday after school we took them to Pappy's office and she raised $50.00 by asking for a donation for each cupcake purchased.

  

 The money she raised is proudly being donated to the American Heart Association in their names. 

Throw in a few invitations to Valentine's parties Saturday, Monday and Tuesday and you've got yourself one abundantly joyful and overly exhausted kid.

Hoping you had a wonderful Valentine's Day filled with love.

Life Through Yaya's Eyes

Yaya received a kid's camera from her biological grandparents for Christmas.  I'm pretty sure she would say it was one of her favorite gifts because she took pictures with it non-stop for days.  In fact, when she likes something now she'll say, "Where's my camera? I want to take a picture of it." The thing is, I think I might love this gift as much if not more than she does.  After all, I get to share my love of photography with her in a whole new way.  I am thrilled she's enjoying her camera so much.  She takes pictures of EVERYTHING which is wonderful because I get to see life through her eyes.  What an amazing gift for her and for us!  We printed off 20 of her favorite pictures and we're sending them to her birthmom and grandparents as an extra little Thank You.  I also made copies for her and put them in a little pink scrapbook she carries around.  

What an amazing gift to see life through Yaya's eyes.

Can I have a ...?

Picture this, We're in aisle 1 of Safeway and Yaya asks, "Mom, can I have a party?"  I respond, "Not today."  Next aisle, not two minutes later Yaya asks,  "Mom, can I have a Valentine's Day party?"  I respond, "No, I'm sorry honey we're not having one this year."  Fast forward to aisle 3, Yaya is dancing around and spinning in circles when she suddenly stops in her tracks and eyes a young woman (a stranger) in the middle of this isle. Yaya begins, "Excuse me.  Do you like parties? I'm having a party and you can come if you want.  I'm going to invite all my friends.  I'm going to have cake and ice cream and lots of fun games.  I'm even going to put on a play.  Do you want to come?"  Stranger responds, "Well, you're very sweet and your party sounds like lots of fun but I don't think so.   Thank you for asking me."  Without skipping a beat Yaya continues her mission, "Wellllllllllllll, you really SHOULD come if you want.  It's REALLY going to be FUN!  I think you should come."  The stranger smiles politely and says, "Not this time thanks." and politely walks away.  Yaya looks at me and asks, "Mom, do you think she'll come to my party?  I can't wait to have my party!"  With growing irritation, I respond, "No, she won't be coming to your party because you're not having a party, remember?  I don't want to hear another word about it. Do you understand?  We're not having a party!"  Yaya quickly responds, "BUT MOM!!!!! If you let me have a party, YOU can come too!!!"  I sarcastically think to myself, "Well that changes everything!  OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE PARTY SINCE YOU'RE INVITING ME." AAAACK!  Calgon TAKE ME AWAY!

Needless to say, I was less than pleased with Yaya today during our trip to the store.  By the time we walked out I was furious at her.  I could not believe she continued asking the same question over and over again throughout the store while I continuously answered, "No" each time.  In addition to feeling angry I felt ignored and exhausted. NOT TO THE POINT OF GIVING IN MIND YOU.  We are not having a party!   

As I sat quietly fuming at a stop light on the way home it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 "How is what I'm doing to God any different than what Yaya just did to me in the grocery store?" 

Every day, I wake up and I ask, "God, is today the day we'll get the call for our baby?"  "God, when are you going to bless us with another baby?"  "God, Why isn't our baby here yet?"  "God, are you going to bless us with a second child?"  "God, WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  God, WHEN?  WHEN?  WHEN?" 

I wonder if he grows as tired, angry or frustrated as I did when he hears me ask these same questions OVER and OVER and OVER.  Anyway, I was given the 365 day Bible study Jesus Calling by Sarah Young as a Christmas gift this year.  Each time, I've sat down and asked the questions above I've received loving answers in the daily lesson and scripture.  Here are a few examples:

"I have lovingly planned every inch of the way.  Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep.  Breathe deep draughts of My Presence, and hold tightly to My hand.  Together we can make it!" 

Reference Scriptures below are from the New Living Translation Bible

John 21:19  "Then Jesus said, "Follow me."

2 Corinthians 4:17 For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

Example 2:

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know you and understand you completely, My thoughts embrace you in everlasting Love.  "I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence.""

Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Example 3:

"On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me!  I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected.  It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours.  Don't try to figure out what is happening.  Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all.  I know the plans I have for you, and they are good."

Isaiah 55:9-11 9“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Jeremiah 29:11 (quoted above)

I now realize, Yaya's dreams for a party have the same feelings of hope, excitement and joy attached to them as my dreams for another baby.   I hate that I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me.  I wish I could have responded to each of Yaya's requests for a party as lovingly as the daily lessons offered in Jesus Calling and the Bible itself.  This is something I intend to work very hard on.

CRAZY Shoe Day

This week, Yaya and her classmates celebrated their first Red Ribbon Week at school.  They learned about drug and alcohol prevention along with making healthy choices for their bodies.  Monday morning, they each received a red bracelet to wear all week long.  Each child was asked to draw a picture and write their own drug free, no smoking or healthy choice slogan on a paper t-shirt and turn it in.  Wednesday, they wore sunglasses to school saying they were too cool to do drugs.

Yesterday, was crazy sock and/or shoe day and today they wore their school colors.

I looked all over town for a pair of Keds or something similar to them for Yaya to draw and color on.  No such luck!  At the last minute, I decided we could decorate her scuffed up silver shoes.  She and I tried pasting flowers on with modge podge but it wasn't sticky enough so I broke down and brought out the hot glue gun.  Voila! 

Homemade "Crazy" garden shoes to remind her to only put healthy natural things in her body.  As soon as we glued the butterflies on her shoes I realized I had a huge bag of google eyes we could have used instead.  How fun and crazy would they have been on her shoes!?  Gotta remember that idea for next year!

I hope and pray saying "No" will be easy for them as they grow up, encounter peer pressure and are faced with other challenging situations.

"AWKWARD"

 I love listening to Yaya play and talk to her friends.  I admit more often than not I find myself  chuckling at the things she says, even when I shouldn't.  Right now her favorite word is "AWKWARD."  Thank you Rio.  To hear how she says it click on the darkened words Rio in the last sentence and fast forward to minute 2:25.

Here's an example of how she used it a few weeks ago.  We met a little friend of hers from preschool for a play date at McDonald's.  When they were in preschool together she had a crush on him something awful.  She would bat her eyes at him and ask him to marry her.  She even attempted to kiss him a time or two.  Anyway, when we asked the kids who wanted to pray before we ate her friend, Jed said, "I want Yaya to pray."  Yaya quickly bowed her head and began her prayer.  It sounded something like this,

"Dear God, Thank you for my family.  Thank you for my friends, Jed, Jackson, Elizabeth, Aisha, Cecily, Casey and Bailey.  Thank you for my teachers and my school.  Thank you for my dogs. Please bless this food to our bodies.  Amen." 

Without skipping a beat she looked across the table at her friend Jed and asked him, "Jed, did your heart go bumpety bump when you heard me say your name in my prayer?"  Silence came from Jed's side of the table as he looked down at his hamburger.  Without skipping a beat Yaya quickly responded, "AWKWARD!" and then she proceeded to laugh hysterically.

      

I just love her positive attitude and funny sense of humor.  She loves to make people laugh and can't tell enough, "Why did the chicken, the witch or the pumpkin cross the road jokes?"  I pray this is a character trait she enjoys and uses to bring others closer to her as she grows.

CHEESE!

My little smoochie is quite the ham.  Lately, I can't take enough photos of her for her liking.   "Another one momma!" She'll say clapping her hands. "Can I see it right now?" she'll ask.  It doesn't matter if it's fuzzy, blurred or just plain awful her response is always the same, "Ooooh, I   LOVE   IT!"  I will admit her praise is great for this "wanna be" photographer's ego.  I am really enjoying this phase and I'll take it for as long as she's excited and willing to play along.  I know she'll be onto something else all too soon and want nothing more to do with the camera. 

Last weekend, I snapped this picture while we were at Six Flags. 

She received this adorable hat as a gift last year.  She loves it and she thinks she's French and looks très chic when she wears it.  She's such a BIG CHEESE!

Wear and Tear

According to Wikipedia.org the definition of Wear and tear is damage that naturally and inevitably occurs as a result of normal wear or aging. 

Well let me tell you, this sweet child of mine should have her name and photo included next to that definition.  She is the inevitable cause of a shoe's "natural or unnatural" wear and tear and ultimate demise.  In fact, I don't think she's owned a pair of shoes she hasn't worn right off her feet. 

 FYI, She wanted to lay her shoes out like this to pose with them.

She thought they looked pretty side by side all spread out instead of the way I placed them.

Three pairs of these shoes were purchase before school began.  It's only been 8 weeks and she's already worn off the tops, sides and in some instances she's even worn the insoles out of them.  We've polished, painted, glued and even cut pieces off of them in order to preserve their appearance a little while longer.  I hate to admit defeat but I think we're fighting a losing battle here.  It appears she walks on the tops and sides of her feet more than the soles of them doesn't it?  We've bought expensive shoes and cheap ones alike but the outcome remains the same.  Each pair inevitably ends up looking like she's placed them in a paper shredder.  Do your children wear their shoes out as quickly as or as completely as Yaya?  We've purchased 2 complete sets of these children's princess shoes from Costco (12 pair in all) and this is the last pair standing.  I can't tell you how many bottles of super glue I've gone through piecing each pair back together before giving up and relieving them of their regal duties.  Once this pair breaks, we'll give them a final and proper burial.  I look at them and I see the end of an era for my "little" smoochie.  

Just thinking of it gets me right THERE. You know?! Ugh!

Complete Awe

Last weekend, I attended the annual NASW conference in Reno.  I attended the conference to earn continuing education credits to keep my Social Work license current. It was jam packed full of wonderful information and quite a few familiar faces.  One of those familiar faces was the adoption Social Worker who matched us with Yaya.  Seeing her again brought back so many raw emotions and memories and I found myself re-living those first precious moments with Yaya all over again.  Some days the story of how Yaya was placed in our arms is still difficult to believe, even for me. 

  

I recall riding home with Yaya for the first time in the backseat of our car.  I watched her every move and every expression.  I couldn't take my eyes off of her let alone believe she was really our baby girl.  I wanted nothing more in life than to love, hold, protect and stare at her forever.  I was overjoyed and terrified all at once.  It was FINALLY my turn to be a mom and I wanted to be the best mom EVER. 

I remember us talking about how we would finally get to share/introduce her to our friends and family.  Insert the image of Simba being introduced to the kingdom the morning he was born in The Lion King.  On the other hand, we waited so long for her we didn't want to share her with anyone.  Selfishly we wanted to keep her all to ourselves. We wanted to be alone with her to soak every inch of her into our senses.  We wanted time to allow the bonds between the three of us to form.

I recall wondering if she had any clue what was going on.  I worried how she would act when we got her home. Would she miss the woman she had come to know and depend on over the last two months?  Would she miss her foster siblings who had been so loving and attentive to her?  Would she sleep OK?   Would she cry all night?  Would I be able to soothe her if/when the tears began to fall?  That was a little over 4 years ago.

Many of the worries and feelings I/we felt back then are the same today.  We still can't wait to wrap her in our arms and shower her with our love.  She often catches me staring at her with a goofy expression on my face and she inevitably asks, "What?  Why are you staring at me like that again mommy?"  We still worry about how she feels and we wonder what she's going through at any given moment as she bounces through her day.  We are careful to speak kindly of and honor her birthmom when she asks difficult questions about her and her life before us.  We beam with pride as we watch her conquer new tasks with enthusiasm or happily interact with others.  We fight the internal battle to keep her our little baby while realizing we have to let her go and grow and experience all that life has to offer her.   Today, like the day we met her we find, there is nothing we wouldn't do for her.  Today, like that fateful day she became ours we are in complete awe of her and God's plan for our lives. 

 

Change

Change, it's hard on all of us. 

We like the ease of our everyday routines. 

We like to know what happens after snack time, recess or taking our bath.

We like seeing familiar smiling faces when we walk into a room.

We like knowing we are accepted and loved for who we are.

Even when we mess up or make a poor choice.

My little smoochy is having a hard time adjusting to kindergarten.  She has always been an outgoing little girl who made new friends with ease.  I don't think we've ever left a playground without her giving a new friend she's met that day a hug.  She LOVES people!  She loves learning!  She is almost always confident, smiling and happy. 

Like me, she wears her heart and her emotions on her sleeve.  She loves deeply. She feels deeply.  She can be extremely sensitive.

Unlike me, she has one of those personalities that doesn't take No for an answer.  At least not the first time around.  She has always been one to push the limits and test people to see if they really mean what they say and say what they mean.  She wants to know WHY?  She wants/needs to have the last word. She is not afraid of a challenge.  She looks at life and her surroundings in her own way and goes at her own pace.  She WILL NOT BE RUSHED!  She concentrates on every detail and soaks life up like a sponge.  As a result, she needs to be given a countdown (or 5 minute warning) to transition from one activity to another.   Like many of us, she enjoys routines and knowing what's happening next.  

Over the last few weeks she has struggled with some of the new changes in her life.  Especially, when it comes to her new school.   She misses her old teachers.  She misses her old friends.  She misses her weekly playdates, routines and even prayer time before snacks.  She misses singing songs.  She misses doing craft projects.  She's having a hard time adjusting to all the changes.  Her teachers have told us she's having a hard time and so has she.  In fact, "I want to go back to preschool" has been a daily request from her.  She has really thought this through too.  She even recalls she was in a 5 year old preschool class last year when she was only 4.  This was a fact we had forgotten until she reminded us.  Sighhhhh 

Our family is hurting right now because she is hurting.  It hurts to see your child struggle WITH ANYTHING.  But it especially hurts when you know there isn't a quick fix to make it all go away.  I long for the ease of something simple like a bandaid or a momma hug to help her through this period of change.  Do you know what I mean?

What should we do?  She is mentally ready for kindergarten but is she emotionally ready?  I don't know.  I want to support her.  I want to encourage her.  I want her to be confident.  I want her to feel safe and secure in her new environment.  I want to do what's best for her.  

Have you gone through this with your children?  What helped you decide the best path for them? We're working with her new teachers to find ways to help her transition.  We're looking at our options and we want more than anything to do what is best for her.  We're praying her through this difficult time of transition.  Will you please pray for her too?  

This face

Have I ever told you how much we love this little face? 

The face that for the last month has asked EVERY SINGLE DAY (sometimes twice even three times a day), "Momma, is today the day I get to go to kindergarten?"

The face that thinks her daddy is her friend, her hero, her playmate and her prince charming all wrapped into one.

The face that exclaims while wrapping her arms around my neck,

"You're the BEST Momma EVER!" 

(Even on days I feel like the worst momma EVER.) 

The face that can be so brave and tough because she can't wait to be a BIG girl.

The face that will not allow fear or worry to stop her from having fun.

The face that won't admit she's even a little scared or nervous but instead says , "Momma, I don't think I'm going to like this Kindergarten thing after all" as it's time to line up and go inside.

The face that knows the kindness of a friend holding and squeezing your hand can make all the difference in the world. 

The face that ratted her parents out to her teacher as she entered her classroom on the first day of kindergarten saying, "We forgot my teddy bear so daddy went home to get him for me but he'll be right back!"

The face that melts our hearts every day with the love and pride we have for her.

Dearest Yaya, Daddy and I love you and your face more than any words or pictures could ever describe.  Today was a big day for our family.  Today, you took another step towards growing up.  You reached another milestone, gradeschool.  Sigh!  Our tummies were so full of excitement and even butterflies for you.  We know you want and have to grow up but sometimes it's hard for us to let go of our little baby and let you be a big girl.  After all, it feels like only yesterday we brought you home.  We're so happy you had a wonderful first day of kindergarten today.  We hope you always feel excited about making new friends, school and learning.  Today, as always you made us so proud!

Tender Moments with Yaya

I can't get over how much our little girl is growing up.  She's changing so fast it's often hard to process it all.  I hear the changes in her voice and the way she is processing the things she sees and learns.  Sometimes I'm absolutely amazed by how beautiful she is not just her looks but her spirit too.  There are moments when it shines so bright my chest bursts with pride.  One of those moments occured this morning on the way to school.  She reminded me I had forgotten to put the armrest of her carseat down.  I apologized and admitted my mistake and said mommies aren't perfect.  Her response was, "It's ok momma.  I'm not perfect eider but you're perfect for me."  Her sweet words struck me in my core and I got all teary eyed.  I told her how much I loved her and how I thought she was perfect for me too.  When she saw the tears in my eyes and heard the quiver in my voice she sighed and said, "UGH!  MOMMA!  You don't have to CRY!   I don't like it when you cry even if dey're happy tears." 

It's hard not to become emotional between tender and funny moments like that. Especially when you combine her sweet words with precious memories like these dance photos I took yesterday.   

I took this one for good measure.  I have no idea what she was doing but it certainly wasn't following her instructor.  There's never a dull moment with Yaya around.

Tiny Tutus

Yaya started ballet again last week.  This class is part of her Christmas gift from the entire family.  I honestly can't get over how much she has improved.  The most noticeable change is the length of her attention span and her level of interest.  Last year, she was more interested in primping and looking at herself in the mirror than actually dancing.  Is she a typical little girl or what?!  Needless to say, I'm thrilled we signed her back up!    They're already preparing for their recital which is scheduled for the end of June.

The florist at Safeway gave Yaya this balloon as a treat for being such a good girl while I shopped.  Yaya in turn wanted to pay it forward and decided all by herself to give it to her ballet teacher.  I think Miss Jessica was as happy about the gift as Yaya was when she received it!

Miss Jessica worked with Yaya's ballet teacher last year so it was nice to see her familiar face.

Even I received a sweet treat when Yaya ran to the window to blow me a kiss during class.  That child sure knows how to melt my heart.

Creativity

Last year, Yaya received these water color paints from some friends of ours.  She absolutely loves painting with them and since she's been home sick this week we had some of our own fun.  I love new sets of paint, color crayons or markers. Both Yaya's fingers and my own twitch with excitement from the creativity yet to be unleashed.

Each time she begins a new art project I can't wait to see where her mind takes her. 

I just want to hop inside her little brain and see what she sees and if it turns out just how she imagined it. 

In the past, she's painted Urcella the Sea Witch, Bird and I standing under a rainbow being sheltered from the rain and now this colorful elephant.  Her smile takes my breath away.

If only I had a special place to hang them all. 

Student of the Week and a Couple House Guests

A week ago Friday, Yaya was chosen as Student of the Week for her preschool class.  This meant she got to make a poster about herself, her family and the things she loves.  She was so excited she couldn't stop talking about what she wanted to write on it all weekend.  Daddy, Yaya and I planned it out together and then she wrote each and every word all by herself.  First, she wrote them with a pencil and later went back and traced over them with a Sharpy marker.  Her favorite part of the project was looking through all my scrapbook stickers and choosing the ones she wanted to use.

She said it was a lot of work and hard to do at times but once it was all done she beamed from ear to ear with pride.  Her smile and giggle was so big her nose even crinkled up. 

As the Student of the Week she also got to take care of the class mascot, "Froggy" all week.  It was a bit rainy and cloudy but we managed to get out for a walk and hit the park anyway.

She loved pretending Froggy was her baby and pushing him in her stroller all the way to the park and back. 

She introduced him to everyone we met along the way. 

She couldn't believe his friends and family lived so close.  We had fun peeking in on them at the creek and saying hello.   

Froggy and Yaya were a perfect pair.  They were both hungry all the time.  Yaya couldn't understand how  Froggy could enjoy eating bugs and Froggy couldn't believe Yaya liked to eat cheesy noodles called Kaeses spaetzle (recipe included click on the highlighted words to view).  I made the Spaetzle noodles at home in honor of her German heritage and we took German cookies, German sausage and German marshmallows covered in chocolate to her classmates on Wednesday.  Her classmates and teachers ate every last bite it was all so good.

If being Student of the Week and having Froggy visit wasn't enough we also got to host friends from Bird's childhood.  Wallace was Firechief in the Panama Canal Zone while Bird and his family lived there.  He  became part of their family during their 20+ years together serving our servicemen and women.  These days Wallace is retired and drives with his wife Beverly from Alaska to Florida all the way down to Panama to watch birds and help people in need in the Canal Zone.

Yaya and Froggy had so much fun playing together around the house.

They even talked Bird into hiding.

They played so hard during the day that every night Yaya quickly fell into bed and drifted off to sleep in seconds from exhaustion. However, poor


We said Good-bye to Froggy this morning.  He's off to spend the week with a new student and family.  We sure will miss him around here.  Nevaeh was so sad to hear she's no longer student of the week and that Froggy had to move on.  She said, "I just don't know what I'm going to do now."