Can I have a ...?

Picture this, We're in aisle 1 of Safeway and Yaya asks, "Mom, can I have a party?"  I respond, "Not today."  Next aisle, not two minutes later Yaya asks,  "Mom, can I have a Valentine's Day party?"  I respond, "No, I'm sorry honey we're not having one this year."  Fast forward to aisle 3, Yaya is dancing around and spinning in circles when she suddenly stops in her tracks and eyes a young woman (a stranger) in the middle of this isle. Yaya begins, "Excuse me.  Do you like parties? I'm having a party and you can come if you want.  I'm going to invite all my friends.  I'm going to have cake and ice cream and lots of fun games.  I'm even going to put on a play.  Do you want to come?"  Stranger responds, "Well, you're very sweet and your party sounds like lots of fun but I don't think so.   Thank you for asking me."  Without skipping a beat Yaya continues her mission, "Wellllllllllllll, you really SHOULD come if you want.  It's REALLY going to be FUN!  I think you should come."  The stranger smiles politely and says, "Not this time thanks." and politely walks away.  Yaya looks at me and asks, "Mom, do you think she'll come to my party?  I can't wait to have my party!"  With growing irritation, I respond, "No, she won't be coming to your party because you're not having a party, remember?  I don't want to hear another word about it. Do you understand?  We're not having a party!"  Yaya quickly responds, "BUT MOM!!!!! If you let me have a party, YOU can come too!!!"  I sarcastically think to myself, "Well that changes everything!  OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE PARTY SINCE YOU'RE INVITING ME." AAAACK!  Calgon TAKE ME AWAY!

Needless to say, I was less than pleased with Yaya today during our trip to the store.  By the time we walked out I was furious at her.  I could not believe she continued asking the same question over and over again throughout the store while I continuously answered, "No" each time.  In addition to feeling angry I felt ignored and exhausted. NOT TO THE POINT OF GIVING IN MIND YOU.  We are not having a party!   

As I sat quietly fuming at a stop light on the way home it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 "How is what I'm doing to God any different than what Yaya just did to me in the grocery store?" 

Every day, I wake up and I ask, "God, is today the day we'll get the call for our baby?"  "God, when are you going to bless us with another baby?"  "God, Why isn't our baby here yet?"  "God, are you going to bless us with a second child?"  "God, WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  God, WHEN?  WHEN?  WHEN?" 

I wonder if he grows as tired, angry or frustrated as I did when he hears me ask these same questions OVER and OVER and OVER.  Anyway, I was given the 365 day Bible study Jesus Calling by Sarah Young as a Christmas gift this year.  Each time, I've sat down and asked the questions above I've received loving answers in the daily lesson and scripture.  Here are a few examples:

"I have lovingly planned every inch of the way.  Trust does not falter when the path becomes rocky and steep.  Breathe deep draughts of My Presence, and hold tightly to My hand.  Together we can make it!" 

Reference Scriptures below are from the New Living Translation Bible

John 21:19  "Then Jesus said, "Follow me."

2 Corinthians 4:17 For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

Example 2:

Jeremiah 29:11 "I know you and understand you completely, My thoughts embrace you in everlasting Love.  "I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence.""

Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Example 3:

"On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me!  I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected.  It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours.  Don't try to figure out what is happening.  Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all.  I know the plans I have for you, and they are good."

Isaiah 55:9-11 9“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Jeremiah 29:11 (quoted above)

I now realize, Yaya's dreams for a party have the same feelings of hope, excitement and joy attached to them as my dreams for another baby.   I hate that I allowed my frustrations to get the best of me.  I wish I could have responded to each of Yaya's requests for a party as lovingly as the daily lessons offered in Jesus Calling and the Bible itself.  This is something I intend to work very hard on.