Hope. It Comes In Many Ways

~Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God."

Psalms 146:5

~"The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."

Psalms 147:11

~"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

~"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

~"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."

Psalms 62:5

I did it again.  I let myself hope there could be even the tiniest chance of being pregnant.  I should clarify that we weren't trying to get pregnant and we continue to look forward to adopting sometime VERY SOON. 

Anyway...trying to get pregnant wasn't even a blip on our radar.  However, when my period didn't start for the 2nd month in a row that old nagging feeling began again.  A lightning bug sized glimmer of hope started to flicker then burn and so did the questions from years past...  "Could this be your plan for us Lord?  Could we be one of those miracle stories we hear about ALL THE TIME?  Were you wanting this for us all along?  Is that why we haven't been chosen?"

These questions routinely raced through my mind over the course of the last few months.  I kept telling myself to wait a little longer reminding myself of all the reasons we couldn't get pregnant even with the assistance of a team of IVF Drs. and specialists.  Still, I held on to faith and I hoped that it wasn't just my messed up body rebelling against me.  I wanted to believe God had chosen us for this blessing if not adoption the second time around.  

Yesterday, I gave in buying then taking a home pregnancy test.  I swear I should have bought stock in these dang things YEARS ago!  Clear Blue (Easy) my rear!  Ha!  What I wouldn't give to see a + sign on one of these instead of a BIG FAT

I don't have to tell you this journey has been anything but EASY!  Some of you are walking this path too.  I have clung to hope like a bug clinging tightly to a leaf in a tornado.  I continue to believe without fail that God has a plan for our life.  The problem is no obvious answers or solutions appear to be on the horizon.  It's easy to hope when you see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Unfortunately, I see no light up ahead. 

Today, I'm praying for that light.  I need to see that light even if it's only a faint glimmer at the end of this journey.  Can you please pray for that light and my heart today?  Once again it feels shattered into a million pieces and I need to quickly pick them up and put them back together so we can continue moving forward toward that bright and glorious light.