I think I knew when I heard our adoption Social Worker's voicemail asking me to call her back ASAP.
I think I knew as she described the situation to me.
I think I knew as she described the situation to me.
I think I knew later Tuesday as I heard a voice ever so silently whispering for me to "Be still. Be silent."
I think I knew as I proceeded to type because I wanted to believe he was meant for us and to shout it to the world.
I think I knew as I proceeded to type because I wanted to believe he was meant for us and to shout it to the world.
I think I knew as I spilled the beans Wednesday daring to hope and asking for prayers.
I think I knew before having the chance to meet him, hold him or snuggle him.
BUT
None of that stopped me from hoping, praying, pleading I was wrong. Nor did it stop us from driving (4 hours one way) to meet him or from spending 3 hours of quiet time alone with him. We wanted so badly to be wrong and for this situation and this baby to be right. The 24 hours after meeting him were the longest of our life as we both tried to make it "feel" right. We reasoned, we prayed, we discussed, we prayed even more. Then, we just knew. Listening to Bird place the call and explain why we had to say, "No" late Thursday night was horrific.
The past few days continue to bring an onslaught of emotions. We are grieving this loss very deeply. Knowing we made the right decision for him doesn't take away any of the pain of wanting, hoping and wishing. We wanted so badly to call him our own but we believe this wasn't God's plan.
I think I knew...
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9 comments:
How strong of you to know and to act on it. No matter how much it hurt.
Oh praying for you - what a tough decision, but it's much better to make it now. You are such a sweet person - praying for the right baby for you guys.
God bless
Renata
So hard Honey, but we do sometimes just have to stop and listen.
Thank you for sharing your heart so clearly, still praying for you.
:(
My heart is breaking for you. I hope the right situation comes along for you soon.
Knowing whats best doesnt always take away the pain... maybe even makes it worse...
sending you hugs
So proud of you! Continuing to pray for you!
Still lifting prayers for you...this is one of those valleys, but the mountaintop is still there!
your way with words just brings me right into your heart. Love you and your family and praying for God to continue to give you the wisdom in these decisions that you are so faithful to exercise. Hugs,
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