I figured the best way to continue would be to allow you to read the email we sent to our friends and family after we learned the results.
We would like to begin by thanking you all for your continued support during this very emotional time. Your words, prayers, calls, emails and cards have kept us hopeful even in the lowest moments of which there have been many. We just received the call letting us know our worst fear has in deed come true. Our attempt at IVF was not successful and there is no pregnancy at this time. We hate to write you all instead of calling and telling you this news in person. However, we know you will understand that right now it would just be too difficult to have to repeat this news multiple times.
We have in reality been grieving since the spotting started last Tuesday, July 4th. However, we continued to hope above all that a miracle would come our way. Our miracle will come another day. Today, I take comfort in knowing someone else needed a miracle more than us and I know in my heart there is still time for us. Miracles do happen every day and I still believe God has a plan for us. We are so blessed to have you in our lives and corner! You will never know how much your emails, prayers, scripture, calls and love mean to us.
At this point we aren't making plans for our next step. We are looking into our options and we need time to just breathe and think. The hardest part of all this was not the shots, blood draws, vaginal ultrasounds, constant trips to the bathroom w/stomach problems, bed rest or hormone changes. It is right now and last week dealing with the emotions of this huge loss. We know you continue to be with us as we are with you. We would like to leave this on a positive note through scripture.
Hebrews: 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we do not see.
1 Corinthians 2:9
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.
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The results were the same after both of our attempts at In Vitro. We jumped through more hoops the second attempt by taking yet more vitamins, attending weekly Chi Gong breathing/relaxation exercises and changing my diet even more. I had better results the second time re. the number of eggs retrieved (42 to be exact.) In the end, only 3 were good enough to put back in my body and again they didn't take. As you can imagine, both times I was devastated. I have never felt so low in my life. I finally understood how low a person could really feel. I had hit rock bottom. Many of our friends and closest family do not know what I am about to share so it may catch them off guard. After our second IVF attempt, I requested some help from my Dr. for my depression. The hormones were still in my body causing mood swings but I had also experienced the biggest loss of my life. My Dr. called it Situational Depression. Through talking out my feelings, help from some anti-depressant medication and prayer I came through the darkest part of my life. Bird was unbelievable! He was strong when I could no longer even try. He was my rock, with him and the help mentioned above I am able to tell you how our story ends. Friday.
Click on the link below if you would like to continue reading about our first adoption journey.
Our Journey to Parenthood Part 4
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
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3 comments:
There aren't words, really, to 'comment' --- but I do appreciate the retelling of the story. In the words of Granny2Many:
Even if only one person is helped through the telling of your story, then it will be worth every keystroke.
As you were then you still remain in my prayers constantly. And your last remarks don't surprise me. After what I have learned over the past years and reflecting back to that time in your life...your situational depression is not a shock...it is normal and understandable!
Love ya!
I remember how I truly grieved with you when I received this email, I remember tears falling when I read your words, and admired how strong you still were thru it all.
I am not caught off-guard about your depression. In fact I think you are very human with a giant heart, and that naturally that might happen. I am glad you had support and help and I wished I could have help out even in a small way. I can relate to you more than you know. I am so glad you were able to push thru this dark time. You're amazing!
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