Clinging To A Wing and A Prayer

 I took these photos back in July while I was visiting my grandparents.  The photo below is taken behind their home.  It was really windy that afternoon and I noticed something odd on their laundry line. They might be a bit difficult to see in this shot but can you see the tiny specks on the wires? 

   

I had to get a closer look because I couldn't believe my eyes.  Each line had 4 or 5 dragonflies clinging to it as if their life depended on it.   I watched as one dragonfly clung to the wire by only one leg.  The wind bounced him up, down and around like a kite in the sky until finally, he let go.

Some days, weeks, maybe even years are like that you know?  It's in these times of uncertainty I cling to my faith and to God's word just like those dragonflies clung to that laundry line FOR DEAR LIFE.  I look for God's plan in EVERYTHING and I attempt to let go and let God take control.  Some days, letting go is easy.  Other days not so much.

At the end of July, my family and Bird's came together by sheer coincidence in Billings, MT.  Like this little dragonfly, Bird's uncle (his father's brother) and my aunt (my paternal grandmother's sister) held on for dear life while both families waited in the wings hoping and praying for miracles.  We hoped God would keep them with us a little longer. 

Unfortunately, it was not meant to be.   Bird's uncle, Jim passed away the weekend of my grandparent's anniversary and my aunt, Lenna passed away a few weeks later.  In the days and weeks following their deaths we find ourselves clinging to our memories of them.  

I can't speak for Bird and his uncle but my aunt, Lenna had a huge influence on me.  You should know she wasn't really my aunt.  She was my GREAT aunt in every sense of the word GREAT.    Regardless of her official title, she treated me as if I were one of her grandchildren. In fact, I can't remember a time when she wasn't behind me 100% cheering me on.  She never missed a chance to call or send a little note letting me know she was thinking of me.  Every year on my birthday she sent a card with a little money inside for a treat.  Last summer, she came out to CA with my grandparents while my brother was visiting and we all had a blast together.  I can't tell you how happy I am we had these family photos taken.

(My aunt Lenna is pictured in the white top on my right in this photo.)

She is the first close relative I've ever lost.  (Her husband, my uncle Bob died just before Bird and I were married over 12 years ago.  He was wonderful too but I didn't know him as well as I did Lenna.) 

 At the age of 38, I realize that's a pretty amazing thing to be able to say.  Saying good-bye to Lenna for the last time knowing I would never feel her arms around me again, see her smile, hear her voice or her boisterous laugh was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Like my uncle Bob, Lenna knew how to tell a funny joke and I miss her.  I miss her sense of humor. I miss her stories.  I miss the sound of her voice.  Then again, I see her or things that remind me of her everywhere. When I pick up a toy she gave Yaya or a sun catcher hanging in my window.  When I walk by her photo on my wall I smile and I'm reminded of how much I miss her.  We miss her.  Our family misses her just as we miss Bird's uncle, Jim.  They may be gone but they are far from forgotten.  Is it crazy to think that once in awhile we even receive signs from them?

We saw this heart on the side of Mt Shasta two days after my aunt passed away.  My mom and I both thought it was a message from aunt Lenna. 

Today, like in the days and months before I find myself clinging to God and to prayer for comfort as we remember these two very special people who touched our lives so deeply.  How do you handle loss?  Especially when it's the loss of a loved one?