One Month Ago Today

We received the call about a precious baby boy.  No, we have not forgotten him.  He is in our thoughts and prayers daily.  We know with every fiber in our being we made the right decision for him but like I've said before it doesn't take away the loss or hope we felt in that moment for our own family.  In fact, in the days since making the decision our desire for a child has grown ever stronger. Pretty hard to believe that is even possible but it's true.  Since making that decision our arms have felt emptier.  The ache I felt in my gut while waiting for Yaya has returned.  Holding D's tiny little body in my arms opened the floodgates to all the emotions I had not wanted myself to feel ever again. Self preservation and denial are amazing things until they fight back and bite you square on the butt.

In the days since making that difficult decision we've sought marital counseling.  Difficult decisions and experiences such as this have the potential to pull people apart rather than bring them closer together.  No matter how challenging this adoption process is or becomes we want to do everything we can to stay strong for each other and for Yaya.  During our counseling sessions we've opened new lines of communication and after 11 years of marriage we've learned new things about each other and ourselves.  AMAZING!   When we first walked into our therapist's office probably our biggest question was, "Why?! Why did we need to go through that heartbreaking experience?  What was the purpose of it all?"  I'm so thankful we were both willing to work together to find the answer.  We are already stronger because of the experience and our heartfelt search for the answers.

In the days since making our decision we've also joined an adoption support group.  Attending this group has worked hand in hand with our counseling and both have been such huge blessings.  Meeting other couples who have gone through this or are going through this means so much.   The members of this group are in various stages of the adoption process.  Some adopted their children years ago but continue to come for support and tools as their children enter new phases of understanding their adoption.  Sitting among people who have gone through so much is faith and hope inspiring. 

In the days since making our decision I've found peace in recalling a family said no to Yaya because they didn't feel they were the right parents for her.  Their saying no opened the door to us.  I'm so thankful to them for making that gutwrenchingly honest decision. 

In the days to come I ask for your continued prayers for all the women considering adoption.  I ask that God helps them find the answer that is best for them and their child.  In the days, weeks, months maybe even year to come I ask for your continued prayers for us and our strength, hope, faith and trust in God's ultimate plan.

Our adoption social worker shared the following scriptures with us today.  They were the words/promises I so badly needed to hear. 

Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Joshua 1:9 (New International Version)9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Lamentations 3:24-25 (New International Version)24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

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