Man OVERBOARD!

Life's been a bit hectic lately. We've hit more than a few ginormous waves. I for one have felt quite battered and tossed about. It turns out, I've been grieving. Grieving so many things we have lost in recent years. It wasn't until I attended a Social Work conference a few weeks back that I was finally able to identify what exactly was wrong. Sitting in my CEU courses I had the time to use my Social Work brain again. To start digging deep into my last two years and all that has happened in that time. I'll admit, just going to the conference was a challenge for me. I was having a horrible mommy week. Yaya and I weren't getting along at all and my heart was breaking over that fact alone. The conference gave me time, support and input I needed in a way I never expected. What's strange is not one person there had a clue what they planned to present would impact me the way it did. I needed to be there and am so thankful God pushed me to attend even though there were so many other things I would rather have done.

As many of you know, my husband and I have wanted to buy a house, adopt a second child and move forward in so many ways. However, each time we've started to make that move something has held us back. After much soul searching we learned we've both been grieving.

Grieving a career we both thought would end at 20 years not 11.

Grieving a life we planned so carefully and had figured out for at least 9 more years IE. through his retirement. Grieving a sense of comfort and control of our life together.

All of that changed the moment we learned my husband's job was coming to an end. It's strange because next month, that job/career will have been over for two years. During those two years we've both had moments where the wound was still very fresh and painful. It seems to become very apparent each time we attempt to move forward. We become fearful our current situation or his job may once again be in jeopardy. How can we move forward with the financial commitment of a second adoption and/or home when so many things these days are so uncertain? It turns out the answer has been with us all along. It's not something we need to worry about. It's something God wants us to learn from him. He's been trying to teach us to let go and give him the control. He's been telling us not to worry.

Matthew 6:33-34 But seek 1st his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has a trouble of it's own.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

He's even gone so far as to provide our Growth Group with scriptures answering every question or bit of doubt we've thrown his way.

Check out Job 38-42 and

James 4:1-3 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Why is it I won't give my worries to God when I'm lost at sea and feeling tossed about by the waves? Why won't I allow him to take care of me/us? It hurts us as parents to see our children struggling and in pain. I think God must feel that same pain for us as we do for our children. I wonder if his pain is deeper knowing all he has already done to sacrifice and protect us. What do you think? How do you cope when you're grieving or feeling alone on a vast ocean with nothing but waves in sight? If you are a believer in God, what was the moment you were finally able to stop worrying and really trust in God's will and plan for you completely?