* I don't know if I can stand to be away from Yaya for 14-15 days to do the traveling we really want to do.
* I worry what Yaya will think when we drop her off at her grandparent's and/or cousin's house in Washington state and leave. You should know, she was upset with me after I went to Napa for 1 1/2 days and told me she worried I wasn't coming back. It broke my heart! Bird was with her the entire time but she still worried I wasn't coming back. Is it simply her age or does this go deeper for her? Is she fearful because she's been abandoned by people she trusted before us? Could she possibly think we would do that to her too? That thought just about kills me because there's no way on earth I would do that to her. She's my LIFE!
* I also worry how far away we should go in case a problem arises. I know I'm not the only parent to experience these worries and separation anxiety so can you please help me work through this? Please share your words of experience and wisdom!
Last but not least we're trying to decide what kind of a trip to take. Do we want to stay in the U.S? We've found some awesome prices for a 10 or 12 day cruise around the Baltics and Russia. OR we've looked at just flying over and hopping on and off the train for 2 weeks! Let each day and the wind determine our path. It all sounds fabulous!
I know. I know. This sounds so petty and ridiculous doesn't it? We could have so many other much more serious "problems" to worry about. Maybe that's where my real fear is coming from. Could I be afraid to make these decisions out of fear? Fear of having recent history repeat itself? We have had so many unexpected life altering changes come up in the past 3 years sometimes I feel scared to relax and enjoy the here and now for fear things will fall apart around us again.
I would appreciate any input you might have. Sorry this post sounds so trivial and ridiculous. I know there are bigger problems to be solved in the world. TRUST ME I DO! Thankfully, they're not my problems to solve or I would probably be writing how stuck and overwhelmed I feel about them too.
16 comments:
I'm not able to offer any words of wisdom since I'm not a parent yet. I hope you feel "unstuck" soon.
Hope you feel better soon.... First thing I thought of, Satan is the master of confusion & fear... so when it comes to the idea of adoption - if God is laying it on your heart - pray about it & then be faithful to the call!!! He'll provide - whatever the outcome may be... I totally understand your reservations though... just pray some more on it... at least that may help with the "stuck" feeling!
And as for the trip - yeah, that would be hard. Is there any way you may be able to take her with you & maybe have someone watch her while you & hubs go out for the day...
If not, Yeah, I'd just stick close - get her comfortable before you take a big trip away that you couldnt get back to her. She'll eventually have to deal with you leaving - but baby steps...
Praying for you... sounds like alot on your shoulders! And dont ever feel like its "trivial"!!
Ok, I've got three things:
1) There's a lot of low fat Mexican food recipes. I can send you a ton.
2) I took a couple of writing classes in hs, but all the stories on the blog are just natural instinct.
3) As far as the adoption goes, I don't think it's wrong to try again. The worst thing that happens is you'll give a child a home. And if you don't find one that works out, you still have Yaya. And don't be worried to take a trip! You have to have a stable base with your husband to have a good foundation for Yaya. Maybe you could take two mini trips (like 7 days here, 5 days here) instead of one big trip. Ease into it, you know? But I think if you phrase it as how much fun she'll have with her grandparents and how it's fun for her too, it would all work out. And maybe there's a day camp she can go to while you're on the trip to help her feel like she's on her own adventure.
I hope my two cents helps!
No worries are trivial...especially where children are concerned. It may not be the right time for a major trip, but maybe the mini-trips are a good idea. We really don't travel right now-figure there is time for that later...just relax and pray the answer you are looking for will come.
We all go through such times! They may sound trivial to some, but it´s a big deal when you "feel it" yourself.
Anyway, I think you should go on your trip. You need to talk to Yaya and try to explain why and how long you will be away and reassure her that you are coming back. But it will be so good for your marriage and for Yaya too, because it will show her that you do come back and that she has nothing to fear. Kids often "act up" in front of the parents when they want to leave, but when they are gone, they have a blast.
That´s my opinion.
Hope you feel better soon!
Here's my .02
Plan a trip. Tell Yaya what's happening, show her where you're going, assure her whenever you talk about it that you'll be gone x number of days and then you'll be back.
Then, when you go, plan some little surprises for her. Little presents to open every couple of days, send her postcards the minute you arrive at your destination, give her alittle calendar with the days you'll be gone that she can cross off each day.
I think it's important that kids start to see that they're going to be okay without Mom being right there... that she can trust you're going to come home.
None of these worries are trivial. This is your life..these are the things you guys are concerned about! First, I would say that leaving the kids has always been an issue for me too! Perhaps you could consider saving the 14 day trip for your 15th anniversary! Yaya would be older and better able to cope with your absence. Think about going away for 3-5 days...and start talking about it now...a lot!! I left a family picture with my son so he could look at it whenever he missed us (actually, this was his idea)....and then, we called every day and talked to him on the phone.
Anway...that's just an idea.
I would like to suggest the Florida Keys for your trip! I've only been there once....but Key West was just a great, relaxing place.
There are some great prices on Mediterranean cruises with Celebrity! I think something like $700 per person. Anyway...good luck choosing.
As for the adoption issue....sigh...this one is hard. Just remember that the good and precious things of life...are never easy. And, there always the chance that your experience will be totally different this time. Have you considered another agency..or is that too much paperwork?
Sorry this comment was so long! I just feel chatty tonight!
I had the same idea as Lizzie... leave little suprises for Yaya to open each day you're gone. Maybe a new coloring book one day... nothing fancy or expensive.
As for where to go and for how long... just go with what you're comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay near. Your concerns and fears are valid ones, not trivial!
My girls went away for the week last month... stayed with my sister for Spring Break. Even at 6 and 8, they had a few moments of missing Mom & Dad. When they feel that way, they call us... and they know they can call us anytime they need to. Depending on where you go, you can tell Yaya the same... that she can call you anytime.
Frizzy. Hi,
The trip -
I could say so much! But I won't. I'Il spare you :). I can't at the moment actually anyway. But...
Here's something another writer threw out one day recently about a 4-day trip for herself - leaving husband and older children at home, and just before moving overseas. She, too, had been going back and forth. "...I keep having doubts... If you were me, what would you do..."
My reaction was, and perhaps is to you, too, is this. "Because this will likely be unpopular, I wish I didn't have it to say. But I do. I would decide to not go if I had doubt. I would decide to go if I had no doubt. Period. Your doubt is a big thing, not many small things... I tend to trust my own interior red-green-yellow lights."
Deciding will be such a relief; also, the next steps will then become obvious and all will fall into place, especially as regards Yaya if you do decide to go. The thing is - decide - and then allow it to happen in confidence and faith.
This just occurred to me. Have you ever heard this? "If you Know the question, the answer is within you." In any event, it really is within you - you and Bird.
I'm very much with Rebecca and Nancy on this one.
Also, Frizzy, your comment today meant a lot to me. It was a bright spot in my day, too. Thank you.
p.s. Nancy inspired me to apologize for being so long-winded, and I do. Believe it or not, though, for me this is a short answer :) ! This is true, too: the shortest simplest answer will be in silence with... no words at all.
Plan the trip...tell Yaya what is going to happen and talk her through it...you need this for all of you. Your worries are worth something....it's your child and you will never get bad marks worrying about her. But God says to put your trust in him and worry about nothing. He will take care of it. Pray about your situation and I'm sure He'll get you through it.
Just remember how you felt the first time you held your baby girl.
Hope everything gets better soon.
We just got the word yesterday that we have been matched with a birthmom and baby girl to be born May 6th. Wow! I don't think I can feel my fingers as I type this. Whoa. I know it may not help you much, but knew you were struggling. That phone call was such a bright moment and I know you know what that's about.
I think the mini-trips sound like a great idea, with little things for her to open while you are gone.
Hope you can figure it all out. I don't know what it's like to be a parent yet, so my advice may not be so wonderful.
The Adoption-- keep your options open. It;s all in God's plan. If it's meant to be, it will be! And you already know that the risk is worth the reward!
The trip-- We want to go on an "alone" trip this year for our anniversary, too (our 5th). I would love to go on a cruise-- we'll probably just stick to a 4 day Mexico cruise, if we go at all (Wylee's not that interested in going). Have you ever been on an Alaskan cruise? I hear those are beautiful!
I found it hard to go for a few nights so I'm not a good one to ask about a long trip, just couldn't do it. I like all the ideas to help Yaya though:) I'll be using them next time I need to go! Do you have anyone nearby that can have her for one night to get her used to sleeping away from home without mummy and daddy? It's different for them to be at home missing a parent and at grandmas missing you. My kids hate to COME HOME from grandmas!
I'll be praying that you know God's guidance for all your decisions.
As to the adoption, I really can offer no advice. But as an only child, even if only for Yaya's sake - go through the roller coaster, take the ride, the reward will be great.
As to the trip, gosh, we are also planning to go somewhere on our own on our 10th anniversary. It is abig occasion. I think the secret is in preparing them - make her a book that show her where you will be every day per page - she can mark and count off every day with the grandparents and know where you are. I think stay close enough that you can phone.
Hey, I know you've already made some decisions but I just wanted to say that I think we get 'stuck' for a couple of reasons: perfectionism (what if we make the 'wrong' decision) and contentment. I know the second sounds contradictory to the first but think about it, you've had two years with this beautiful creature and ten with your better half...when we make decisions that alter that (adopting again) we feel we might be trying to 'fix something that ain't broke.'
You know that God will direct you as long as you seek him and this life thing is messy...can't wait to see how you feel about these decisions two years from now! Hugs!
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